By African American Books Author Denise Turney

Despite medical advances, people have been dealing with loneliness for centuries. Not only has loneliness been experienced across history, reasons that you could feel lonely cover a wide range. For example, you could feel lonely because of changes in your brain, social isolation, genetics, your diet, workplace culture, things you keep repeating to yourself, stressors, light shifts and seasonal changes. Fortunately, there’s a way out. First, more about loneliness and its impact.

Experiencing Loneliness

Loneliness could be experienced in combination with other emotional or mental issues like depression, PTSDs and seasonal affective disorder. The one fact that’s associated with loneliness is that it feels painful. Depending on how you’re using thought, you could be tempted to convince yourself that you’ll always feel lonely. However, you don’t have to feel lonely.

One factor that’s different about today’s loneliness is how many people live alone. Yet, living alone doesn’t always cause you to feel lonely. Out World In Data shares that, “Despite the popularity of the claim, there is surprisingly no empirical support for the fact that loneliness is increasing, let alone spreading at epidemic rates.”¹

Another thing to note is that you do not have to stay lonely, if you feel that way now. In fact, there are actions that you could take to reduce and eliminate loneliness. But, first it’s important to note that loneliness is a “state of mind.” As Very Well Mind shares, “People who are lonely often crave human contact, but their state of mind makes it more difficult to form connections with other people.”²

Tips for Dealing with Loneliness

Also, “Researchers suggest that loneliness is associated with social isolation, poor social skills, introversion, and depression.” Keep in mind that, “Loneliness, according to many experts, is not necessarily about being alone. Instead, if you feel alone and isolated, then that is how loneliness plays into your state of mind.”²

Here are actions that you could take to free yourself of loneliness:

• Strike up a conversation with a neighbor or colleague
• Volunteer for community, social or work projects that cause you to connect more fully with others
• Realize that loneliness is not a permanent condition and that millions of people have experienced it
• Accept that loneliness is an indication that you may need to make a change (and that you can make that rewarding change)
• Be willing to be uncomfortable during the early stages of a healthy friendship
• Schedule a social event or a lunch or dinner with a friend or relative and keep the date
• Talk with people you trust
• Seek professional help if you feel stuck in loneliness
• Focus on your good traits
• Take time to rest and relax to avoid feeling overwhelmed which could shift into loneliness
• Take advantage of opportunities to connect with people in-person

Develop Rewarding Connections When Dealing with Loneliness

Despite what you might read in the media, there may not be solid evidence that loneliness is at epidemic levels. Additionally, there might not be strong evidence that loneliness is even increasing. To begin, humans have not been surveyed about loneliness since the start of time.

What research has shown is that you can reduce or stay free of loneliness if you nurture healthy relationships. Also, by avoiding the temptation to isolate yourself, you could build and maintain deep connections. The importance of developing and maintaining rewarding and loving human connections cannot be overstressed.

Longer life on this earth, lower blood pressure, improved overall health and less stress are just a few of the benefits associated with having deep, authentic human relationships. Nurturing healthy relationships could also strengthen your immune system, reduce physical pain and give you a sense of purpose.

Step-by-Step Healing

Howbeit, healthy relationships don’t generally just happen. As with a physical fitness, financial or mental health goal, you have to work at good relationships. As an example, you could call friends once a week or you could visit a relative once or twice a month.

Attending family get-togethers, hosting holiday events and supporting family, friends and neighbors during times when they could benefit from support are ways to nurture healthy relationships. So too is actively listening when people talk with you. Simply making the time to be with and really listen to people goes a long way.

Regarding being there for a friend, I’ll never forget when a friend drove more than 50 miles to be with me after a loved one transitioned. Little did either of us know it, but less than four years later, a situation would arise that would find my friend benefitting from more support. I was there for her. These “I’ll be there for you” choices strengthen relationships.

Move Beyond Erroneous Beliefs

Replace “being there with someone” with excuses and you could weaken a relationship. Therefore, staying free of loneliness is about more than not feeling isolated or unloved. It’s also about taking the initiative to build and maintain good relationships.

Should a part of you believe that no one wants to hang out with you, counter that thought with truth. You are wonderfully created. As Psalm 139: 13-14 shares, “For you created my innermost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

You might need to repeat loving affirmations about yourself as you stand in front of a mirror to free yourself from erroneous beliefs. Until you do change your thoughts, just strike up a conversation with the cashier at the grocery store, your mail carrier or a neighbor. Take small steps to build healthy, loving relationships.

Starting Conversations

Keep starting conversations. It could be as simple as asking a question. Now, there may be instances when the person you’re speaking with brushes you off. People get in hurries. Or the person may not want to talk right now. But that doesn’t mean that everyone will respond to your efforts to engage in conversation the same way.

The more that you start conversations and connect with others in healthy ways, the more confident you may become. Before you know it, you might be considered someone who helps create good connections. You also might be regarded as a great communicator.

Feeling Less Lonely

If you struggle to start conversations, try taking an impromptu speaking course. This is what I did when I was in the military. It paid off. Years later, I was standing in front of crowds on stage delivering speeches. Another thing that I did was to agree with inner guidance that I received and started saying “Hello” to people who stepped on an elevator with me.

Admittedly, it felt awkward at first (my not thinking that the other person would want to speak with me). But I kept it up. Today, starting conversations is very easy for me. So, get started. Take the first step to build healthy in-person connections.

Reach out to family and friends regularly. For example, you could set a date twice a week when you will call friends or visit family. Don’t talk yourself out of building and strengthening healthy, loving relationships. Make connecting with others in a loving way a priority. See if you don’t feel less lonely.

Resources:

1. https://ourworldindata.org/loneliness-epidemic
2. https://www.verywellmind.com/loneliness-causes-effects-and-treatments-2795749