By Books Author Denise Turney

Loss of a loved one can knock the wind out of you. And each loss is new, different from any other loss you’ve experienced. So, be kind to yourself. Perhaps more importantly, be infinitely patient with yourself. This cannot be stressed too much. To get on the other side of grief, you’re going to have to be patient with yourself.

Patience and How Other People Respond to Grief

Another thing, don’t let anyone tell you how you should be responding to what you are dealing with. It may not seem like it. But change, loss and trauma are major scares for people. Because of this, some people might try to push you through grief.

Others may work hard to get you to disassociate or repress. Why? Seeing changes in you may remind them of a trauma or unwanted event. Therefore, it may bring them comfort to see you unchanged. But that’s not how you get on the other side of grief.

Instead of repressing or disassociating, to get on the other side of grief, accept what is. This is important. As you move through grief, you may experience instances when life in this world feels surreal. That’s not all. There may be instances when you experience forgetfulness. You might even think that the person you’re grieving is still here.

Advice to Get on the Other Side of Grief

There’s no one step that fits every grief situation. But these steps can help you to start the healing process:

• Understand that you won’t always feel this great loss
• You can get on the other side of grief even if you think you’ll always feel crushed by the experience
• Seek the support of others.
• Commit to visiting family and friends (even when you feel flat)
• Let good friends help and loving relatives come over and sit with you
• Stay clear of judging yourself or others
• Avoid setting expectations for how you think others should respond to you while you’re grieving. Believe it or not, they are dealing with the change too.
• Join a grief discussion group. For example, you could join a private online grief support group. Make sure the group is moderated and professionally managed. As with other things, avoid giving out private details online or offline.
• Attend counseling sessions with a licensed, experienced counselor as needed

More Ways to Get on the Other Side of Grief

Did I already say – be infinitely patient with yourself? You may go through more forward and backward steps than you can count before you get on the other side of grief (however, the change you’ve experienced may leave you permanently different). You’ll definitely learn about self-patience. While you’re being patient with yourself, also:

• Write your loved one a letter for as long as you feel you need to. For example, you could write a loved one every day then once a week then once a month for as long as you find it beneficial.
• Look at your loved one’s picture. Cry if you want to.
• No repressing – It doesn’t make you a heroine; repressing just prolongs the pain.
• Do something that you enjoy every day
• Meditate
• Get outdoors (sit on the porch, go for a walk or bike ride, etc.)
• Listen to music that you love
• Tell yourself that everything is open to change. You’re not stuck.

Also, try new things. When my mom transitioned when I was only seven years old, I didn’t know what “death” was. Today, I don’t believe in death because I know that we’re not bodies. Anyhow, back then, I thought that my mom had chosen something else over me and my siblings.

You Can Get on the Other Side of Grief

It was tough wrapping my head around this thing that people call “death” when I was just a kid. Years would pass before I realized that I associated change with my mom passing (or leaving).

I didn’t think that anything could be as hard as dealing with my mom transitioning. I was wrong. Between my mom’s transition and my paternal grandmother’s transition, I’d experience many other people leaving their bodies.

But, when my grandmother had a stroke (which came four years before she transitioned), I thought that it would take me out. You see, my paternal grandmother was like a mom to me. I’d grown up with her love. Fast forward a few years and my father was preparing to transition. You couldn’t have made me believe that his transition wouldn’t end my physical experience.

When my dad transitioned, inner advice came through, directing me to see people being “born” and “dying” as if people are coming in and out of an airport. People don’t cease to exist just because I can’t see them. Nor do they cease to exist because I miss them. I received similar inner guidance via a dream several years later.

Dealing with Deep Grief

As tough as my dad’s transition was, I got on the other side of grief again. But nothing prepared me for my son’s transition. Thank the Creator, my inner Self went to work, putting healing practices in place immediately. It was as if something unseen was guiding me.

I joined an online grief support group, sought professional counseling and started writing my son letters (which I still do to this day). Fortunately, my family didn’t busy themselves telling me how to grieve. It took two years to feel like I could stand up.

In between, I went to work, started writing on a novel, kept introducing readers to my books Long Walk Up, Portia, Love Pour Over Me, Spiral and Love Has Many Faces. I also went to the theater and went out to eat. But I’ll never be the same and I know it. Grief can change you. But you can open up to a new way of perceiving if you keep going and get on the other side of grief. Am I ever rooting for you!

Help Lines

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ – National Suicide Hotline

https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help – Mental Health.Gov