How to Get on the Other Side of Grief

Posted on by

By Books Author Denise Turney

woman on floor by bathtub dealing with other side of grief
Wikimedia Commons

Loss of a loved one can knock the wind out of you. And each loss is new, different from any other loss you’ve experienced. So, be kind to yourself. Perhaps more importantly, be infinitely patient with yourself. This cannot be stressed too much. To get on the other side of grief, you’re going to have to be patient with yourself.

Patience and How Other People Respond to Grief

Another thing, don’t let anyone tell you how you should be responding to what you are dealing with. It may not seem like it. But change, loss and trauma are major scares for people. Because of this, some people might try to push you through grief.

Others may work hard to get you to disassociate or repress. Why? Seeing changes in you may remind them of a trauma or unwanted event. Therefore, it may bring them comfort to see you unchanged. But that’s not how you get on the other side of grief.

Instead of repressing or disassociating, to get on the other side of grief, accept what is. This is important. As you move through grief, you may experience instances when life in this world feels surreal. That’s not all. There may be instances when you experience forgetfulness. You might even think that the person you’re grieving is still here.

Advice to Get on the Other Side of Grief

There’s no one step that fits every grief situation. But these steps can help you to start the healing process:

  • Understand that you won’t always feel this great loss
  • You can get on the other side of grief even if you think you’ll always feel crushed by the experience
  • Seek the support of others.
  • Commit to visiting family and friends (even when you feel flat)
  • Let good friends help and loving relatives come over and sit with you
  • Stay clear of judging yourself or others
  • Avoid setting expectations for how you think others should respond to you while you’re grieving. Believe it or not, they are dealing with the change too.
  • Join a grief discussion group. For example, you could join a private online grief support group. Make sure the group is moderated and professionally managed. As with other things, avoid giving out private details online or offline.
  • Attend counseling sessions with a licensed, experienced counselor as needed

More Ways to Get on the Other Side of Grief

Did I already say – be infinitely patient with yourself? You may go through more forward and backward steps than you can count before you get on the other side of grief (however, the change you’ve experienced may leave you permanently different). You’ll definitely learn about self-patience. While you’re being patient with yourself, also:

  • Write your loved one a letter for as long as you feel you need to. For example, you could write a loved one every day then once a week then once a month for as long as you find it beneficial.
  • Look at your loved one’s picture. Cry if you want to.
  • No repressing – It doesn’t make you a heroine; repressing just prolongs the pain.
  • Do something that you enjoy every day
  • Meditate
  • Get outdoors (sit on the porch, go for a walk or bike ride, etc.)
  • Listen to music that you love
  • Tell yourself that everything is open to change. You’re not stuck.

Also, try new things. When my mom transitioned when I was only seven years old, I didn’t know what “death” was. Today, I don’t believe in death because I know that we’re not bodies. Anyhow, back then, I thought that my mom had chosen something else over me and my siblings.

You Can Get on the Other Side of Grief

It was tough wrapping my head around this thing that people call “death” when I was just a kid. Years would pass before I realized that I associated change with my mom passing (or leaving).

I didn’t think that anything could be as hard as dealing with my mom transitioning. I was wrong. Between my mom’s transition and my paternal grandmother’s transition, I’d experience many other people leaving their bodies.

But, when my grandmother had a stroke (which came four years before she transitioned), I thought that it would take me out. You see, my paternal grandmother was like a mom to me. I’d grown up with her love. Fast forward a few years and my father was preparing to transition. You couldn’t have made me believe that his transition wouldn’t end my physical experience.

When my dad transitioned, inner advice came through, directing me to see people being “born” and “dying” as if people are coming in and out of an airport. People don’t cease to exist just because I can’t see them. Nor do they cease to exist because I miss them. I received similar inner guidance via a dream several years later.

Dealing with Deep Grief

As tough as my dad’s transition was, I got on the other side of grief again. But nothing prepared me for my son’s transition. Thank the Creator, my inner Self went to work, putting healing practices in place immediately. It was as if something unseen was guiding me.

I joined an online grief support group, sought professional counseling and started writing my son letters (which I still do to this day). Fortunately, my family didn’t busy themselves telling me how to grieve. It took two years to feel like I could stand up.

In between, I went to work, started writing on a novel, kept introducing readers to my books Long Walk Up, Portia, Love Pour Over Me, Spiral and Love Has Many Faces. I also went to the theater and went out to eat. But I’ll never be the same and I know it. Grief can change you. But you can open up to a new way of perceiving if you keep going and get on the other side of grief. Am I ever rooting for you!

Help Lines

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ – National Suicide Hotline

https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help – Mental Health.Gov

7 Blessings You Should Start Receiving

Posted on by

By Fiction Author Denise Turney

7 blessings with apple tree blossoms picture
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by George Chernilevsky

Here are 7 blessings you should never talk yourself out of receiving. Opening up to these blessings, deep gifts, can shield you from burnout and pessimism. This goodness offers hope, motivation and inspiration, holding out a light.

Turn Regrets into Inspiration

First, you must be willing to receive these 7 blessings. After all, just because you desire goodness, doesn’t mean that you are ready to receive it. For instance, how often have you talked yourself out of doing what you know, what you absolutely know, you should do?

So, before you consider these gifts, check out the following top regrets people have before they exit their bodies. See if they surprise you:

  • The first thing that people in hospice share that they regret is holding their true feelings back
  • People also regret falling out of touch with family and friends
  • Caring too much what others think makes the list
  • Worrying is another regret to let go
  • Taking life for granted
  • Living in the past or the future, and not living in the present
  • Not living their “true” life

7 Blessings to Never Talk Yourself Out of Receiving

Sound familiar? Fortunately, it’s not too late to shift. In fact, there’s still time to turn regrets into inspiration. Start doing what you love, what causes you to feel joy. Free yourself of the belief that being “busy” means you’re fulfilled. Choose to slow down, enjoy life and be happy. And stop talking yourself out of these 7 blessings:

  • Go after what you really want. Take off the brakes. Launch that business, career, relationship, hobby, travel excursion, creative endeavor, etc. that you really want to sink your teeth into. This isn’t about being delusional or chasing clouds that will never have rain. It’s about doing the thing that’s rooted in love, the very thing you’ve wanted to do for months, perhaps years, but kept talking yourself out of.
  • Say “I Love You”. Let the desire to express your love for a friend or relative override your desire to play it safe and hide how you feel.
  • Start your day with motivational quotes and success statements. It may take a few days, but you can turn positive motivational quotes into a rewarding daily habit. Try standing in front of a mirror and speaking success quotes out loud. See how it makes you feel.

Let Yourself Receive More of These 7 Blessings

  • Visit exotic, faraway places. Instead of talking yourself out of that international or cross-country trip that you’ve dreamed about, start saving for the trip.
  • Exercise and eat to be healthy. Regardless of your weight, you can start working to be healthy. If you need weight loss motivation or the drive to get moving and exercise, consider what it would feel like to have the flu every day for the rest of your physical experience. Some diseases feel that badly. Let yourself see the contrast. Love yourself and choose good health habits.
  • Spend time with family and friends. These are people who you might think will always be there, so you don’t believe you really need to keep in touch with them. If this were only true. People enter and exit this world quicker than we expect. So, treat yourself to the company of friends and family.
  • Love yourself. This is a huge lesson that Raymond Clarke has to learn in Love Pour Over Me. It takes him decades, so many close calls. Hopefully, your path to self-love is much easier. You might find Raymond’s journey inspiring and motivating.

Finding the motivation to live your true, best life starts with Number 7. You really do need to love yourself. And, in order to love yourself, you have to get to know the real YOU. As you pursue this journey, be patient.

Daily Motivation Tips

Here are other tips that could do more than offer you inspiration and motivation, shielding you from a life filled with regret. These tips could help you to love yourself to the point where you stop talking yourself out of receiving love, what you really want to do and out of living your own true life.

For starters, do at least three things that you love each day. For example, you could relish in a warm bubble bath, read an engaging novel or treat yourself to an outdoor walk or bike ride. Also, connect with a relative or friend once a week, preferably in person.

And get enough sleep at night. Drink plenty of fresh water and eat a healthy diet of leafy greens, fruits and vegetables, whatever your body receives best. Journaling, singing and dancing are other daily motivation activities. And, of course, if you love being creative – definitely engage in at least one creative activity a day.

It takes a healthy dose of inner love to stop talking yourself out of these 7 blessings. Today, give yourself that gift. As it did for Raymond in Love Pour Over Me, doing so might not only change your life for the better. It might change the lives of those around you.

Resources

  1. What Do People Regret The Most Before They Die? (lifehack.org)

What Is It About Portia, An Inspiring, Progressive Teacher’s Daughter

Posted on by

By African American Books Author Denise Turney

portia math teachers board work
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Daniel

Portia is another example of how much a daughter needs her mother’s love, especially during life’s crossroads. Portia’s mother is a teacher, a career where leaders inspire. But she doesn’t just teach, she implements progressive ideas at home and at school, opening her family and students to greater goodness.

Portia – Memories of a Great Inspiring Teacher

When I look back over my childhood and consider adults who I admired, people who I wanted to be pleased with me, my third-grade teacher definitely comes to mind. My third-grade schoolteacher was caring, thoughtful, smart and sharp.

She really cared about the students she taught. After my mother passed, there were times when I wished that my third-grade schoolteacher was my substitute mom.

My third-grade teacher was an inspiring, progressive woman, not unlike Portia’s mother. Just being around my third-grade teacher made me believe that amazing possibilities were open for me as a woman, and this at a time when women were perceived to be weaker than men.

Portia’s Mother, Inspiring Progressive Teacher

Portia’s mother is a prominent Chicago schoolteacher. Her husband was active in the civil rights movement, working the frontlines to improve communities and the country. Her students trust her so much that they seek her out for guidance and support.

“Try harder,” Portia’s mother encourages her students, inspiring them to reach beyond the break, to do more than they believe they can do. “Deep down, you know you can do amazingly good, awesome deeds,” she’d tell her students, further inspiring them.

“If people tell you that you can’t do something, remember that they are only telling you what they think they can or can’t achieve,” she’d continue. “And I know you. Because I know you, I believe in you.” After a pause, Portia’s mother would tell her students, “I know that you can do any good thing.”

Teachers Are Inspirational Mothers

In those and other ways, she was so much like my third-grade teacher, always looking out for a child who wasn’t her own. That could be why some teachers are inspirational mothers. During the hardest experiences, times like the challenging COVID-19, teachers find a way.

It’s why, even after teaching in a classroom all day, Portia’s mother always has the energy to cover Portia and her siblings with love and care. Her work and her loving partnership with her husband allow Portia and her siblings to grow up in a courageous, happy family, a family that is an anchor in the community.

Portia grew up on Chicago’s South Side at a time when, around the United States, family was a stronger bond than a legal contract. Families looked out for each other. It’s part of the reason why Portia’s mother was such a fierce, loyal and loving mother.

Loving Roots Inspire

As a child, Portia doesn’t know how important her mother’s care will be to her future. It is her mother’s love that helps to give Portia the strength to keep going when she faces one of her life’s toughest challenges – breast cancer.

It’s this loving root that won’t let Portia’s story be depressing, even while it examines the challenges that she faces as she deals with breast cancer. Just as Portia’s mother’s students do, readers turn to the story to be inspired, encouraged and empowered. Read more about Portia in the self-titled book below.

Road To Success: Could You Be Missing Something?

Posted on by

By Books Writer Denise Turney

road to success with trees and a hill
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Dfrg.msc

The road to success is paved with massive change. It could be why you might be delaying getting on the road, working to convince yourself that you’re satisfied with the routines, sometimes absolute ruts, that you find yourself in.

In fact, if you’re like me, as much as you may hate routine, it’s routine that helps you to feel like you’re in control. Fact is, it feels safe (cozy) to think that you’ve got all the bases covered, like you have all the hatches secured so that nothing can jump out at you and scare you.

Remove Success Blocks

It’s safe to think that you have examined every aspect of an experience you find yourself in. But what if you’re overlooking – simply missing – one of the biggest, most impactful components?

What if you’re not seeing something despite how long or how intently you’ve been searching? What if you’re missing a critical component because you simply don’t want to see it?

That single decision could set you back. So, how do you recognize and remove blind spots and deal with the unwillingness to accept what is? Here are a few tips that have worked for me. See how your thought system responds to these short, quick tactics and strategies. Then, consider opening to creativity and imagination so, you’ll feel sparks of inspiration as you get and stay on your life’s road to success.

  • Put it to paper:  For example, you could write a letter to the person who you wronged, sharing your feelings about each action that you took, the very actions that led you to regret and the heaviness of guilt.
  • Keep going. Revisit each guilt anchor until you no longer feel bound to past mistakes. Stay open. You might be prompted to call or visit the person who you wronged and ask for his forgiveness face-to-face. But consider starting out writing letters that you don’t mail. After all, you could have a guilty conscience. In other words, you may not have wronged anyone but only think that you did.
  • Sharpen your imagination. Take 5 to 7 minutes a day to visualize yourself doing and enjoying what you want. See yourself doing and having what you want as if you are having the experience right now. To do this, add colors, sounds, scents and emotions to these imaginings.
  • Try something new every day. For example, you could eat a different lunch, travel a different route to or from work, volunteer with a different charity or shower in the morning instead of taking a bubble bath at night.

More Steps To Remove Success Blocks

  • Read books that impress how easy it is to receive miracles. These books may focus on the power of your imagination, your emotional guidance system or the power of your subconscious mind.
  • Accept cues. Allow yourself to accept inner messages that tell you that you’ll soon receive what you want.
  • Trust your One True Self. Therefore, you’ll listen to inner guidance and inner promptings and take actions that your One True Self guides you to take.
  • Stay clear. Instead of giving meaning to experiences that you have, stay clear. After all, you may not really know why events occur. Stay focused and keep going.
  • Get outside In nature. In fact, there may be few better ways to get in balance.
  • Meditate. In other words, practice stilling your mind.
  • Drink plenty of water. Drinking water is a great way to flush your physical system.
  • Eat a healthy natural diet. Of course, all is connected. Therefore, building and maintaining a healthy body can have a positive impact on other areas of your experience.
  • Accept what is. In other words, accept experiences as they occur. Don’t tell yourself that you aren’t experiencing what you are. For example, don’t tell yourself that you’re not being abused if your partner pushes and curses you. Don’t tell yourself that you didn’t do well to dig out of debt after you pay off $10,000 of debt.
  • Journal. Capture your experiences. Watch how they change. This could encourage you to avoid creating blind spots or refusing to see what’s right in front of you.
  • Freestyle write. This exercise could help you to catch thought patterns and routines that might be holding you back.

Pursue Road to Success Dreams for a Lifetime

By refusing to look at what you don’t want to deal with, you can set yourself up for unexpected delays, which is why this may be the perfect time to take another look at your life. Look at your thought patterns, imaginings, fears, guilt anchors and decisions.

As with other challenges, it may help to start small. Also, be open to change. Trust your higher Self. Be willing to incorporate a new thought into your mental system. Catch yourself when you’re tempted to erupt in anger when changes occur (e.g. you drive into traffic jams, you get lost, unexpected weather storms abruptly change your plans).

Also, see and actually feel yourself doing what it is you’re passionate about. Give yourself room to make mistakes. Remember, the road to success is rarely straight. Instead, the road to success is built with twists, turns, valleys and peaks. Even more, the success road is joyous and exciting because it’s filled with surprises.

Resources:

(8) 10 Steps to Achieving Success in Life | LinkedIn

Important Online Dating Road Rules

Posted on by

By Denise Turney

online dating couple meet in person holding hands
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Dtd1986

Online dating is exhilarating, not unlike meeting someone face-to-face. Desire, intrigue, imagination and untarnished expectations are at play. It’s a wonderful experience, but there are drawbacks.

Let love serve as your anchor, steering clear of delusions and unsafety. Enter virtual romance with your eyes wide-open. After all, romantic attraction can be addictive. In the world of romantic illusion, you get to rule. You get to make relationships (even if only in your head) turn out the way you want them to. Is this what makes online dating so appealing?

Curbing Risks

After all, online dating allows for ample creativity. For example, if you’re 4’11”, you could post on your profile that you are 5’7″ tall. Who would know?

You could misrepresent your age, career, educational background and past relationships. Of course, the people who you connect with using dating apps could lie to you too. But that happens with in-person dating as well.

Drawbacks aside, what if you really do want true love? To get there, forget making the relationship up in your imagination and then expecting anyone to live up to your inner script. Don’t do it. It’s just a great way to set yourself up to feel frustrated.

Easy Road Rules

Even more, to save yourself the emotional pain of getting played, follow road rules. Check out these online dating road rules that could save you heartache, not to mention hundreds or thousands of dollars.

  • Avoid sharing too much information online, including within your online dating profile.
  • Don’t use gifts to convince yourself that someone loves you. The person may appreciate the gifts. But that doesn’t mean that they love you.
  • Meet the person you’re dating online in person in a safe, public place. Meet in person early to avoid creating fantasies and illusions that could, over time, seriously cloud your judgment.
  • Really get to know the person before considering introducing her or him to your extended family, including your children.
  • Check statements and facts that people share via online dating apps. Search engines make it easy to check facts and backgrounds.

More Smart Online Dating Practices

Give yourself time to get to know someone you’re thinking about dating online. Don’t rush the relationship. That, by itself, could keep you from creating dangerous blind spots. While you’re letting the relationship develop:

  • Listen to feedback that relatives and friends share about the person you started dating.
  • Practice safe financial skills. Do not share your financial information, including bank accounts.
  • Don’t send dates money or ship products for them.
  • Get to know family members, friends and colleagues of the person who you’re dating online. This way, you can start to get other perceptions of the person. In turn, this may help prevent you from creating fantasies or illusions of the person you met online.

Keep In-Person Relationships Strong

While you celebrate a deepening relationship that started in the virtual world, continue to invest in face-to-face relationships. In fact:

  • Nurture and grow offline relationships with friends, relatives, colleagues and neighbors.
  • Live a rich life. Avoid isolating yourself.
  • Be honest with yourself and the person you’re dating online. Acknowledge what you see and hear. Having strong in-person relationships could keep you from denying facts and behaviors, including behaviors you don’t want to accept.
  • Don’t make excuses for your online date. Know when to let go, leaving the relationship.

Remember that your online date is not here to save you. Regardless of how online dating goes, you’re still responsible for navigating this world’s highs and lows, twists and turns.

Accept What You See

 A final thought – Who doesn’t want love, to join with and actually feel a part of love? Who doesn’t want to give and receive love in its purest forms? Love is beyond amazing. There really are no words to define or accurately describe it.

Love is too big to be defined or described. It encompasses everything real. And it flows, seemingly changing at whim. But that doesn’t mean that you should toss common sense to the wind and run off with every person who tells you that she loves you.

Right now, every person may not be ready to love, even if she shouts that she is ready. This applies with online dating and offline dating. Therefore, consider practicing a few online dating road rules while searching for a deeper relationship. After all, practicing online dating road rules could save you more than hurt feelings.

Fathers Need Love Too

Posted on by

By Books Writer Denise Turney

fathers love their sons family picture

Fathers need love too; despite the images they may create. Yes. Like loving mothers, they’re strong and resilient. Yet, they thrive under the light of appreciation and care.

Good fathers are the backbone of a strong family. In fact, the impact of loving, present, caring, responsible fathers may be immeasurable. It doesn’t matter how challenging life gets, good fathers offer their children patience, a listening ear, courage and guidance.

Honoring Good Fathers on Father’s Day and Beyond

For me, a good father also offers his children protection, an ongoing sense of security. My father was this type of man. Akin to many other fathers, my dad was also tough – at times, seemingly hard. But he was there whenever his kids, his sons and his daughters, needed him.

During my younger years, I wished that my father was softer, more emotional. But he never really got there, although he did soften in his older years. Yet, he shaped me in ways that I will forever be thankful for. Because of the impact he made, it was easy to appreciate him and to buy Father’s Day gifts for my dad.

He was easy to please as it regarded gifts. In fact, I don’t think that he expected much for Father’s Day. And this from a man who had single handedly raised five children. He didn’t wear ties. So, that was out as a Father’s Day gift choice. What my dad did appreciate was his children calling and spending time with him.

Great Father’s Day Gifts

Whether your father loves certain types of gifts or isn’t big on gifts at all, there are choices you can make to honor your dad this Father’s Day. Here are Father’s Day gift ideas that both you and your dad may appreciate, great ways for you to show your dad that you know fathers needs love to:

  • Tickets to your father’s favorite arts, entertainment or sports event. For example, you could get your dad tickets to a sports playoff, theatrical production or arts or jazz festival.
  • Vacation package to a cool, adventurous spot that your dad has long talked about visiting. Keep in mind, that it could be somewhere local or a place across the globe.
  • Lunch or dinner at your father’s favorite restaurant. If the weather is agreeable, dine outdoors.
  • Invite your father to your home. Once there, cook him a delicious home cooked brunch or dinner.
  • Purchase your dad his favorite cologne. Include a special card with a loving handwritten note with the Father’s Day gift.
  • After your Father’s Day meal, take your dad on a drive through the city or country. Set the radio to his favorite music and enjoy the ride.

Remember Fathers Need Love Too

Father’s Day was first celebrated in the United States in June 1910. More than 60 years would pass before Father’s Day was made official by President Richard Nixon in 1972.  But time sets no boundary on how mothers and children honor the good fathers in their lives.

This year, gift your father with the same treasure that you may have asked him for when you were a kid. Gift your father with quality time on Father’s Day. For instance, take your father on that fishing, hiking or road trip the two of you have been talking about for months.

Or perhaps your father and you love a good camping trip. Whatever you decide, consider setting aside enough time to enjoy being with your dad this Father’s Day. And yes. Spending time with your dad on Father’s Day may seem like a choice that you have forever to make. But that’s not the case. Don’t let the time slip by this year. Show and tell your father how much he means to you this year. And, if you’re a dad yourself – Happy Father’s Day.

Resources:

The Important Role of Dad | HuffPost Life

How Books Help You Heal

Posted on by

By Books Author Denise Turney

ocean shoreline, peaceful sun view to heal
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Michael Klajban

Books offer great entertainment. But they do more than that. Good books help you heal.

Have you ever had your guard up to the point where you didn’t notice that you were making mistakes with your life? When you’re this guarded, you may refuse to see your mistakes and open to change, to start to heal. As powerful as digging in your heels against change (including inner healing) may feel, it’s not the way to start living your best life.

Good Books Lower Resistance to Healing

You could talk with a friend, placing yourself in an environment where you feel safe enough to lower your guard and begin to heal. That certainly helps. But friends get busy. Despite their best intentions, there are instances when good-good friends face so many challenges of their own that it’s overwhelming for them to offer an open ear, especially if you’re resisting the very change that you most need to make right now to start the healing process.

This might surprise you. Yet, reading good books can lower your resistance to inner healing in unexpected ways. Highly crafted books are gentle in how they adjust perception and loosen erroneous beliefs. For example, powerful, complicated book characters grab your attention by spotlighting the character’s shortcomings and personal challenges.

Before you know it, you’re rooting for some book characters while wishing that other characters reap what they sow. Even if you’re usually alert, it may be weeks after you finish a novel before it dawns on you that one or more of a book’s major characters have strengths and areas for improvement that are similar yours.

Good Books Provide Clarity During Healing Process

Without realizing it, you can witness the effects of specific causes (e.g. anxiety, violence, poverty) on someone’s life while you read good books. But that’s not all. Another of the gentle ways that books help you to heal is how books gently let you see alternatives for choices that you’re facing.

This happened for me when I read comedian and actor, Bernie Mac’s book, Maybe You Never Cry Again. I can still visualize the scene where he wrote about the last odd job that he took to pay bills – the last job that he took before he went after what his heart called him to do — succeed at comedy. Thanks to what Bernie Mac shared in the book, I knew that I had to pull out the stopper and go after my novel writing full tilt boogie. Reading Maybe You Never Cry Again helped me to heal from the habit of putting off what I knew I must do.

The Ebony Tree by Maxine Thompson gently showed me the rewards of letting the past go, even old family history. Talk about moving into healing page-by-page. And, I still remember the first time that a woman who’d read Spiral told me that, after reading the book, she’d decided to forgive, a sure way to heal.

How Books Help You Heal

Although I didn’t write Spiral around the message of forgiveness, that reader’s feedback was beyond inspiring and encouraging. Think about all the good books you’ve read so far. How have those books changed your life? How have those books helped you to heal?

During my childhood, it was good books that helped me navigate challenging real life events. I got so much courage and positive energy and inspiration to heal from books like the Pippi Longstocking series, Ramona and Mildred Taylor’s Roll Of Thunder, Hear My Cry.

So, yes. Good books help you to drop your guard so that you can have more clarity around pivotal life decisions, the types of choices that are part of the healing process. Books do this by putting characters in situations that millions of people face. Because you’re not in the spotlight (the book’s major characters fill those roles), you can witness what’s going on without fear, without becoming defensive. And making the right choices is healing. It really is.

Enjoy What You Love About Good Books

I love the power of healing you can gain from reading good books.

Other gentle ways that good books help you to heal are by switching your focus off of perceived problems which, in turn, lowers stress. Also, good novels help you to heal by giving you something fun and engaging to do with your partner, family or friends.

After all, book clubs aren’t the only groups that can have fun reading and digging into good books together. You could even turn a good novel story into a play that you put on with family, friends or a local theater. Additionally, good books turn you away from work. They also give you a great option to replace being online for hours or surfing your phone all night.

So, here’s to good books! Hope you enjoy reading a good novel today as you continue the path of inner healing.

How to Succeed Amid the Coming Change

Posted on by

By Books Writer Denise Turney

The coming change could shake your beliefs. It won’t be a one-time shift, knocking you off guard for weeks. Instead, this change is the start of ongoing adjustments. Knowing how to come out on top, despite the switch, sets you up for longstanding success.

Change is celebrated when it brings experiences that you’ve been longing for. How about this? A handsome man shows up just before you exit the train car you generally ride in on your way home from work. In a short six months, you’re convinced that this mystery man is an answer to your prayers. He’s attentive, caring, courageous, funny and charming. You feel so loved when you’re with him. In fact, you feel cared for when you simply think about this man.

red flowers drooping as part of coming change
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by George Chernilevsky

Navigating Unwanted Change

It’s that kind of shift that can make it feel easy to succeed amid change. But, let your hopes escalate, interlaced with high charged “perfect relationship” fantasies, only to be dashed after you discover that the man from the train is another woman’s husband and three boys’ doting father. If you had invested your all into the relationship, the discovery might leave you believing that you won’t recover.

Who knows? You might even think that, for you, a romantic relationship will never be successful. And that’s just it.

So much unexpected and unwanted change that you have to deal with may seem to be completely out of your control. You didn’t cause the change. And, because you didn’t cause the change, you can’t see your way up.

How to Succeed Amid Change

Yet, it’s not true that you can’t succeed amid change. In fact, here are several actions that you could take to succeed:

  • Forgive yourself for mistakes you perceive that you’ve made. There’s no better way to shut off the “need to be punished” button and allow boundless good into your life.
  • Set a new goal if change has showed you that your previous goal is not the experience you really want.
  • Accept the means to achieve your goal, all while staying open to new ideas.
  • Make good use of your emotional guidance system. For instance, if you don’t feel peace around a choice, consider another option.
  • Celebrate small victories as you continue to work to succeed amid change. After all, this is a long journey.
  • Add no less than three activities that cause you to feel joy and peace to your day. For example, you could listen to jazz, soak in a soothing bath or enjoy reading a good novel while sitting on your back porch.
  • Keep a journal to track your efforts and your results.
  • Don’t ever give up on yourself.

Long Walk to Success Amid Change

A successful life demands flexibility. Simply put, give up the effort to control situations. In fact, if you set expectations for people or situations, you may be left feeling angry, abandoned and frustrated.

This may be one of the greatest roadblocks to success — the desire to control people and outcomes. To be successful, you have to open to guidance from your real Self. And trust that guidance. Learning from others also helps as you continue to bob, weave and make your way through your journey.

Above all, you have to believe that you can succeed amid change, even great change. A good way to start is to take wise risks early. In a word, the sooner that you start compiling evidence that what you really are is greater than any change you find yourself face, the better.

Keep Advancing

So, allow yourself enough grace and forgiveness to take wrong turns. Allow yourself enough love to make mistakes. Trust the good that is guiding you. Stop and turn when you realize that you’re heading the wrong way. Once you’re again on course, keep advancing. This is what Long Walk Up’s Mulukan does, a six year old orphan girl who, by all accounts, should have quit. Yet, she didn’t. Hers is a glorious story.

Yes. Keep advancing. Because, like Mulukan, yours is a glorious story too. Whether you realize it or not, you are amazing!

How to Stay Motivated at Work and Avoid Quiet Quitting

Posted on by

By Fiction Author Denise Turney

organized work desk to stay motivated
Motivation for Work Picture

Changing career landscapes, economic shifts and challenges disconnecting from the office make it hard to stay motivated at work. Information overload is real, potentially putting you at risk of burnout. If you’re not careful, you could slip into quiet quitting.

Whether you work from home or at the office, you might feel like quitting. That or you might want to invest less time or energy into your job. It makes good sense. Long work hours, challenges setting clear boundaries, procrastination or perfectionism could sap your daily motivation pretty quickly. But you know your rent, mortgage, utility bills, car note and insurance premiums are not going to stop coming just because you’re having a hard time finding motivation for work.

Ways to Stay Motivated at Work

On the other hand, burnout doesn’t give two cents about your bills. That’s why you need to get in front of this type of lack of motivation early. So, if giving yourself an early morning pep talk after you climb out of bed in the morning is no longer helping you to shift upward, consider:

  • Establishing start and end times for when you’ll invest in work. This includes getting clear about the days of the week that you’ll work. Of course, there may be instances when you’ll have to work six days a week. But these instances should be rare if you’re committed to setting clear boundaries.
  • Discuss time off requests, special work arrangements and unique work hours with your supervisor. Get that person’s green light. That way, you’ll relax and not push yourself too hard out of fear that your supervisor will think you’re slacking. For example, if you need to wait until 10am to start work and you need to stop work at 5:30pm to care for a sick parent or young child, let your supervisor know.
  • Get smart about juggling multiple projects.
  • Communicate your work schedule to your team. Let go of guilt and focus on your work without feeling like you have to be Superwoman or Superman.
  • If your supervisor keeps pushing you to do more, consider seeking another job. Your mental, physical and emotional health matter.
  • Give yourself room to make mistakes. After all, staying motivated through failure is part of success, at work and at home.
  • Take breaks throughout the workday.
  • Definitely take your full lunch break.

How To Be More Motivated At Work

Also, let your supervisor know the projects you’re working on. If your workload is light, communicate that. But don’t keep pushing to receive more work as if working will reduce inner guilt.

And guilt may be the biggest culprit when it comes to setting shabby work boundaries. To avoid guilt, actually look at how much work you’re doing. Also, consider your work habits. You know if you’re a go-getter. You know if you keep commitments. Don’t play yourself small.

While you work, listen to motivational messages and read motivational quotes. For example, if you’re working on a project, you could pop in your ear buds and listen to online motivational messages. Before and after work, consider developing hobbies or investing in creative endeavors.

For instance, you could start writing on that novel. Or you could start on that abstract painting, wood table, ceramic dish set or pottery pieces. Also, invest in yourself by getting outdoors and enjoying, absolutely enjoying, a walk, run or bike ride.

Motivational Factors At Work

If you need motivation to work, take advantage of employee perks offered at the company where you work. Most human resources departments have a list of employee perks, things like computer discounts, travel savings and vacation packages that you can take advantage of.

In addition to becoming familiar with these employee perks, get clear on the number of vacation days that you have left. Forget carrying these days over to the new year. Instead, take a day off one to two times a month until you stop feeling de-motivated or burned out.

Definitely, get enough deep sleep. Reading a book before bed and avoiding caffeine are ways to set yourself up for a good night of sleep. And solicit the help of family and friends, people who are trustworthy. Also, spend time with people who practice healthy work boundaries.

Accept Help To Get Motivated Again

Let these people babysit so that you can get a break if you have young children. If you have a partner, ask your partner to help around the house. Don’t try to do everything yourself. Again, you’re not trying to be Superman or Superwoman.

That shared, be open to seeking help from a professional counselor if you’re still struggling as it regards finding motivation. You might even be able to get your counseling paid for through your employer. Bottom line, no one is going to look out for you better than you will, not if you love yourself.

Another thing – spend time with family and friends. At the least, speak with loved ones on the phone once a day or twice a week. Stay connected. Combined it all helps you to stay motivated at work and maintain a healthy motivation in and outside of the office. Oh. And one last thing – read a good book to stay motivated!

Book Marketing Platforms that Work

Posted on by
book marketing books on shelf

By Books Author Denise Turney

Book marketing is a long, ongoing process. If you want a sustainable career as a writer, you need to learn and start practicing smart marketing techniques. Fortunately, there are technology tools to help.

For starters, you can get real traction at the right book marketing platforms using two strategies. One approach requires more of your time. The other approach requires more money.

Types of Book Marketing Platforms

AALBC.com, Book Daily, Artist First and Good Reads are types of marketing platforms. So too are TED Talk, Mosaic, podcasts and social media.

Book clubs, television programs that focus on books, press release distribution services and bookstores are also types of marketing platforms. But it’s your book blog and author website that are your primary platforms.

Each platform that you work should point back to either your author website or your book order page. If your only book order page is at Amazon.com or BarnesandNoble.com, point platforms to your custom sales pages at those bookseller websites.

Getting Platform Results Is Not Free

That means that your social media profiles should include the link to either your author website or book order page. When you run ads through marketing agencies like Book Daily, add a link to your book order page in your profile.

If you have the time, schedule at least an hour a day to work book marketing platforms. The more time you invest at the platforms, the better. But don’t just posts. Find out who platform influencers are. Ask influencers questions, “like” what they share and follow them.

I’m a fan of social media posts schedulers like Buffer and Hootsuite. Just log into social media accounts and posts live once a day. You can get results with 5 to 10 minutes of work per social media platform.

Social Media and More Marketing Platforms

Pick two to three social media platforms to actively posts comments, ask questions and share motivational quotes on. See if your followers, shares, likes and overall engagement don’t go up.

Build your marketing platforms by:

  • Blogging once a week or more (add keywords into your blog posts)
  • Sending direct mail to book lovers
  • Creating and distributing a weekly or a monthly book newsletter
  • Scheduling at least one YouTube or Vimeo video posts a week
  • Guest posting on high traffic websites like Huffington Post, Forbes and Entrepreneur. Include a link to your author website in your bio.
  • Attending large book club events and cultural festivals. Pass out free bookmarks or book excerpts. Stamp your author website URL on all handouts.

Take two to three of the above steps at least once a week. If you’re short on time, pay marketing agencies to do your heavy lifting. Start small with spending. Avoid giving into smooth sales pitches and getting pulled into expensive marketing deals.

Measure Book Marketing Results

Make sure that you see measurable results, and not just an increase in traffic. Why is this important? Computer bots can send loads of traffic your way, lending the appearance that tons of people are truly interested in your book, when that’s not the case.

Don’t assume that just because your profile, website URL or book cover is at book marketing platforms that you’re pulling in the right traffic. An increase in book sales is a sure sign that book marketing platforms are working.

Requests for book excerpts, author interviews, more social media followers and increased reader engagement are other signs that book marketing platforms are yielding good results. If you receive more comments that focus on your book or its topics at your book blog after launching a book marketing campaign, it could be an additional indicator that platforms you’re on are pulling in your target audience.