{"id":1884,"date":"2022-07-08T14:53:15","date_gmt":"2022-07-08T18:53:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.chistell.com\/africanamericanfiction\/?p=1884"},"modified":"2022-10-20T20:38:50","modified_gmt":"2022-10-21T00:38:50","slug":"looking-for-real-self-help-stop-lying-to-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chistell.com\/africanamericanfiction\/looking-for-real-self-help-stop-lying-to-yourself\/","title":{"rendered":"Looking for Real Self-Help? Stop Lying to Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By African American Books Author Denise Turney<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Photo by Marcelo Chagas on Pexels.com<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Keep lying to yourself and it\u2019s going to be hard, if not impossible, for you to win. It\u2019s also going to be hard for you to live a joyous life. But you may already know that. You might already know how critical it is that you stop lying to yourself. The trick is, simply knowing that <\/em>may not stop you from telling yourself lies. So, how can you get free?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why You Lie To Yourself<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As unfortunate as it is, there are reasons why you might lie to yourself. Top of the list of reasons has to do with the fact that you may not like what you see evolving<\/em> in your life. That or you might not like what you see right in front of you. For example, you might not like the fact that your clothes are fitting tighter, that you get out of breath after walking just one flight of stairs or that you\u2019ve been quick tempered with your friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In that case, you could lie to yourself and tell yourself that you aren\u2019t gaining weight, are as fit as you\u2019ve always been and are the nicest, most patient person you know. Additionally, you might lie to yourself because you don\u2019t want to deal with a situation or because you don\u2019t want to make a decision.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you believe that you suffered from the last few decisions that you made, you might lie to yourself and tell yourself that all is well just to avoid having to make a decision. Early childhood trauma could also turn you off to change. This happened with me after my mom transitioned. Little did I know how much I associated change with my mother transitioning, as if she had to transition each time I was faced with a major change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop Lying to Yourself and Let Truth Surface<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was during parts work that this was revealed to me. Am I ever glad that this practice entered my conscious awareness. During other blog articles right here at Chistell.com, I go into parts work and how associating change with my mom\u2019s transitioning had affecting me for decades and in ways that I had no clue about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This leads to another point. Not only can you lie to yourself, you can lie to yourself and not even know that you\u2019re lying to yourself. However, if you practice awareness<\/a>, you\u2019ll eventually know that something is off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For instance, you might feel like you\u2019re moving in circles or you might feel like, despite your best efforts, you\u2019re not moving forward. So, let\u2019s explore<\/em> lying to yourself further. It\u2019s so worth it, especially if it helps you to pump the brakes<\/em> and stop lying to yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are Your Practicing Cognitive Dissonance?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

At its core, a psychological term known as \u201ccognitive dissonance\u201d is behind the reason why we lie to ourselves and tell ourselves untruths,\u201d shared Mental Help.1<\/sup> Tricky as it may sound, there are internal clues that alert us to the fact that we are out of alignment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s what Mental Help says, \u201cWhen we experience cognitive dissonance, we feel an uncomfortable tension between who we believe we are and how we are behaving.\u201d The theory for cognitive dissonance was made by Leon Festinger. The theory suggests that, \u201cwe have an inner drive to hold all our attitudes and beliefs in harmony and avoid disharmony (or dissonance).\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s another example that may put better light on cognitive dissonance. \u201cCognitive dissonance explains many of our everyday actions. The person who steals from his employer but tells himself that he is underpaid and deserves the extra is twisting the interpretation of his behavior in order to still feel he is okay as a human being is another good example.\u201d1<\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Exploring Why You Lie To Yourself<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Other reasons why you might lie to yourself could be because you feel special or over confident. In other words, you might feel as if you\u2019re better than you actually are at a task. That, or you might feel like you deserve<\/em> to get whatever it is that you want. In this event, you could lie to yourself and tell yourself that something wrong you did isn\u2019t really wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let someone else do the very same thing and you\u2019d easily see the behavior as wrong. Regarding over confidence, Psychology Today<\/em> shares that, \u201cUnrealistic optimism<\/a> can have significant health consequences. Psychologist Loren Nordgren (2009) found that among a group of people trying to quit smoking<\/a>, the ones who gave especially high ratings to their own willpower<\/a> were most likely to fail.\u201d2<\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Denial is another strong reason why you might lie to yourself. This was briefly covered earlier in this article. When it comes to denial, you lie to yourself because there\u2019s something that you do not want to face. Yet, if you don\u2019t face it, the situation may likely never change for the better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stopping The Art Of Denial<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

To put it another way, Psychology Today<\/em> says, \u201cDenial is a psychological defense we all use against external realities to create a false sense of security. Denial can be a protective defense in the face of unbearable news (e.g., cancer diagnosis). In denial, people say to themselves, \u201cThis is not happening.\u201d For instance, alcoholics insist they have no drinking problem.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those are some reasons why you may lie to yourself. Now, how can you stop lying to yourself?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For starters, practice awareness. Actually become aware of what you are thinking, feeling and doing. It\u2019s not about judgment. Your value and worth will never change, because of what created you. While practicing awareness, be completely honest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Again, your value and your worth are beyond words. You are worth more than you can ever imagine. That won\u2019t change. However, if you want to live a joyous life, you have to become aware of what you\u2019re doing, thinking and feeling and take ownership of your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now Is Always The Time To Be Honest<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Honesty is a part of this. At the end of each day, do a review of the day. Could take as little as two minutes. Reflect on what you did, how you felt and how you treated yourself and others. Acknowledge ways that you could have been a better communicator, active listener, leader or supporter, etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Start your morning with routines that strengthen honesty, trust and appreciation within you. As an example, you could start your morning with a word of \u201cThanks\u201d and speak out loud three to five facts about your life or experiences that you appreciate. Also, be honest and talk with a trustworthy friend about experiences you don’t like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keeping a journal or spreadsheet that details your dreams, concerns, successes and desires are other ways to become aware of what\u2019s going on inside your mind. Continue to practice awareness and see if you don\u2019t start to make better decisions and experience a more fulfilling life, see if you don’t gain courage and stop lying to yourself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Resources:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. hhttps:\/\/www.mentalhelp.net\/blogs\/why-we-lie-to-ourselves\/#:~:text=A%20Psychological%20term%20known%20as,and%20how%20we%20are%20behaving.&text=She%20held%20a%20belief%20that%20good%20people%20do%20not%20have%20affairs.<\/a><\/li>
  2. https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/science-choice\/201708\/the-many-ways-we-lie-ourselves<\/a><\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
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