Courageous Patience for New Beginnings

By Novel Writer Denise Turney

beautiful heart pendantHave you ever dealt with a loss that you knew, deep down you just knew, took the old you with it? It may have been the loss of a child, the loss of a parent, sibling or even the loss of a job that you’d worked for more than 30 years.

Please Leave Things The Way They Were

For you, there is no going back. If you’re particularly reluctant to release your former life, the only life you may have known, you might return to a former residence, seriously consider moving back home or seek out another job that reminds you so much of the job you just left.

The person who tries to toss out or move your deceased child’s clothes might be greeted with a powerful show of anger and distaste from you. “Leave it the way it is” might be your cry. It’s understandable.

Reinventing a brand new life is no easy task. This reinvention demands that you examine your deepest beliefs. Yes. Get forced to let everything that you knew go and you will ask profound questions. It makes perfectly good sense. After all, the ground beneath your feet has shifted.

When Trusting Is Hard

Trust may be a hard-to-come-by product as you progress through your former life and move awkwardly toward new beginnings. Love Pour Over Me‘s Raymond Clarke knows all too well about these awkward, painful adjustments.

It takes Raymond a long time, decades, to learn to release his past life. It takes Raymond a long time to receive the love that awaits him, love he won’t receive until after one of the most important people in his life departs this world.

Are you at a crossroads? Are you trying to cope with a painful loss? Perhaps Raymond Clarke’s story will speak to you. His story is the fictional account of volumes of real life stories that fill newspaper, magazine and journal archives. Through Raymond’s open book life you might find an answer that you are seeking.

When You Experience Real Pain

You might find a way that works for you to move forward, to enter a new and rewarding beginning. As Raymond learns in Love Pour Over Me, be patient with yourself during this time. It really does take courageous patience to accept and advance into new beginnings.

Depending on the depth of the loss, you might start out feeling numb, detached from the loss. This is a time when people around you (family, colleagues, neighbors, friends) might think that you’re strong.

Because it reduces their need to alter their lives much to deal with the great change you’re in the middle of, they may like you better this way versus seeing you sob and fall apart. For this reason, meditating and spending time alone doing nothing could be paramount as you move awkwardly forward, never to be the same ever again.

Courageous Patience For The Road Ahead

People you know might tell you that you really know how to trust God if you display little to no emotion around the loss. But, they are only seeing your mask. And they might be grateful for that. Your mask rewards them with the illusion that things really haven’t changed that much and that after a certain amount of time, things will go back to the way they were before the loss occurred.

But, that’s not going to happen. Ever.

Which is why it takes courageous patience to accept and advance into new beginnings. Bless yourself with the patience to fall, get back up, fall again and wobble or crawl back up. Bless yourself with the patience to let your emotions rock, stand in the fear of the unknown and accept that you don’t now (nor ever did) know all that there is to know about anything.

Bless yourself with patience as you struggle to release the past. Give yourself time to recreate a brand new life. After all, this is a new life that you (not someone else) are going to live. Don’t rush it. Be exceptionally kind and gentle with yourself even if others are not.

Look For Cues

Look within for cues that you’re on the right path. Give yourself permission to experience joy and happiness, even as you work your way through grief. Your courageous patience is a sign of self-love.

Your courageous patience might serve as a light to others years from now, maybe even decades after your earthly expression is gone. Your courageous patience to begin again might help to lead others out of a past that no longer works just as Raymond Clarke’s journey has done in the book Love Pour Over Me.

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7 Great Reasons to Read The Love Pour Over Me Book

By Denise Turney

Love Pour Over Me BookLove Pour Over Me is a book that takes a realistic look at a complicated parent/child relationship. When I first started writing Love Pour Over Me, it was emotionally easy. As I fleshed Malcolm and Raymond out more, it got harder to keep writing at the same fast pace that I had started writing the novel with.

Why? Memories from my own childhood were starting to arise, muddying the process involved in getting the first full draft of the story on paper.

Love Pour Over Me was not an easy book to write

As with each book that I have written, including Portia, Spiral, Long Walk Up, Rosetta’s Great Adventure and Love Has Many Faces, bits and pieces of my own history were finding their way into the pages of Love Pour Over Me. Believe it or not, this fact is what makes writing books a boundless blessing.

Once a story dredges up deep emotion in me as an author, I have no choice except to revisit my own unique, personal “real life” past and deal with the emotional root. Authors who do this work can finally go free of personal thought and behavior patterns that may have plagued them for years.

Another blessing that strong emotions offer me as an author is directly related to the novel. Strong emotions that I feel easily transfer to the page. It’s this emotion that connects readers to characters.

For me, this is when I absolutely love creating novels.

Adult problems with trying to understand a mysterious childhood

Although I didn’t grow up with an alcoholic parent like Raymond (Love Pour Over Me’s main character), as with many people, I saw my fair share of struggles as a kid. I tried to understand unclear and hard-to-explain events that were happening around me; like you did when you were a kid, I tried to explain the hard-to-explain through the eyes of a very young child.

It’s these attempts to explain the mysterious that can cause childhood and adult confusion. Add the drive to be right and it’s easy to see why people like Raymond Clarke get stuck. The thing is that Raymond is not alone. He’s not the only person who develops defense systems to avoid future hurts. He’s not the only one who keeps expecting childhood survival strategies to work effectively after he becomes an adult.

Here are the seven great reasons to read the Love Pour Over Me book

If you’ve even once struggled to make sense of your life, especially your childhood, you might get more than you’d imagine from reading Love Pour Over Me. You might see the value in taking the time to do the personal, inner work to finally move forward. Additionally, you might fall in love with Raymond, Brenda, Anthony and other characters in Love Pour Over Me. You might get lost in a very good book.

That alone would be worth reading the nearly 300 page novel that is Love Pour Over Me. Six more reasons to read the Love Pour Over Me book are:

  • Authentic friendships – After he arrives to college in Philadelphia, Raymond runs into four men, each hailing from a different part of America or the world. These men become fast friends, developing a bond that celebrity, money, women nor disappointments or secrets can break.
  • Inspiration – Whether you’re reading about Raymond’s childhood and watching a young Raymond interact with his troubled father, Malcolm, or you’re watching Raymond desperately try to keep his heart from Brenda, you may be inspired as you turn the pages of Love Pour Over Me.
  • Passions on display – Short term relationships aren’t the only starring connects in Love Pour Over Me. Raymond and Brenda’s tested romance also isn’t the only “true gem” relationship that survives this book’s shaking challenges.
  • Remarkable success – Raymond is one of America’s top middle distance runners. His is a near matchless athletic talent. But, Raymond’s not alone when it comes to uncommon athletic prowess. Anthony more than holds his own on the football field.
  • Murder mystery – He never asked for it. And yet, Raymond becomes witness to a murder. He also never asked to be closely connected to someone who may have committed the killing.
  • Changed lives – If our lives don’t change, what’s the purpose of contrast? You’ll be surprised at the Raymond who you see at the end of Love Pour Over Me. You might also finally learn to love Raymond’s father, Malcolm.

Give yourself a chance to explore, enjoy and benefit from reading the Love Pour Over Me book

Love Pour Over Me is a novel that recounts Raymond Clarke’s life events. Set in Dayton, Ohio and later Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, a portion of Love Pour Over Me takes place in Africa, namely Madagascar. The 1980s is the time period that the story unfolds in. Think the Los Angeles Lakers, smooth R&B cuts, a non-Internet world (can you imagine?!), closer knit neighborhoods, thriving community bookstores, gas prices being at about $1 a gallon, music videos airing all day and the rise of cable television.

You may have been a young adult, teen, child or not yet born then. As you read Love Pour Over Me, you’ll get to explore a time that saw many inventions and challenges. Most of all, you’ll get to witness the evolution of a man. You’ll get the chance to witness the evolution of a family, five friends and a soul mate couple who, despite their hard setbacks, simply belong together (You’ll know this for certain by the time you reach the last page of the Love Pour Over Me book!) As tough as it was to write at times, I loved creating the book that is Love Pour Over Me. Now I want you to enjoy reading it.

Ready to enjoy a good book? Pick up your copy of Love Pour Over Me in print or ebook form at by clickingRead Love Pour Over Me

Are you choosing bad relationships over real love?

By Denise Turney

It’s no secret. Everyone wants to receive and to give love. Our childhood experiences can create fear in us as it regards love. Grow up with a parent who exhibits unpredictable behavior, particularly dangerous or abusive behavior, and we could come to believe that we must be on guard all the time, even putting up inner alarms against closeness.

Why are you afraid of love?

Unwanted endings like relationship breakups and stagnation can also create fear in us regarding love. Before long, we’re guarding ourselves against real intimacy. We can also guard against closeness, including closeness with a good friend.

Think of it this way. If every time you walked through a red and purple gate in a neighborhood in New York City you were bit by a dog, there’s a strong likelihood that you would eventually feel anxious and afraid as you neared any red and purple gate, regardless of the city or the neighborhood that the gate was in.

The thing is that, despite your fear and your dedication to avoiding closeness, you want to receive and to give love. Every living being wants to receive and to give love. It is how we are created. If we are extensions of love itself, what else could we want?

For safety’s sake, we may make and feel intensely attracted to a substitute for love. Result of this could be an intense attraction for dysfunctional relationships. Drs. Mark Borg, Jr., Grant Brenner and Daniel Berry discuss this phenomenon with me on Off The Shelf book radio. It’s a topic that continues to attract interest from psychologists, counselors, couples and singles.

Head down the right road this time

And no wonder. We want to know why we keep feeling intensely strong emotions (like the wrong relationship is absolutely right) for the relationship that won’t help us to grow and experience love. You guessed it! Our fear is actually taking us down twists and turns, in effort to protect us, that will keep us from real love, the very thing that we need to be healthy, balanced, joyous and thriving.

Signs that you might be headed for the wrong relationship start with you thinking that someone is perfect. Another sign is thinking that someone will complete you and make you feel happier. When we expect too much from another person, we do not know ourselves. We feel that we are lacking, an erroneous belief that sets us on a path to find someone who has what we think we are lacking.

When the person doesn’t live up to our expectations, we may feel cheated, angry, frustrated, sad, depressed and — once again, cheated. As Drs. Mark Borg, Jr., Grant Brenner and Daniel Berry share on Off The Shelf book radio, we actually set ourselves up for this trap, a trap that we may not even realize that we have stepped into until we’re months or years into a relationship.

We may not choose our parents, but, we can choose to do the inner work and stop replaying the script for childhood dysfunctional relationships. It beats staying in a stagnant relationship, putting up with abuse or running and hiding from closeness and love. These are just a few of the lessons that Raymond Clarke and Brenda, the love of Raymond’s life, learn in my latest book, Love Pour Over Me.

As we start our journey into a new year, commit to doing the work to awaken more. Start to recognize when you are running and hiding from closeness, real intimacy and healthy relationships. Do the work to remove any fears that you have of love and watch your attractions change, setting you up for real, healthy love relationships.

**Thank you for hanging out with me. Keep up with track and field, drag racing and the wonderful world of books by visiting my blog often. Grab your copy of Love Pour Over Me at or or

Loving the Right Man, Loving the Right woman

By Denise Turney

While listening to Virginia Beach, Virginia’s radio station 95.7 FM as I conduct research for various writing clients, every now and then a commercial will cross the wire. During the commercial, teens speak about undesirable behaviors their boyfriends or girlfriends engage in. Some teens talk about their boyfriends/girlfriends getting jealous simply because they spoke to another person. Other teens, on the commercial, talk about their girlfriends/boyfriends hitting them because they “love them so much”. The driving message of the commercial is that love doesn’t hurt. Love doesn’t harm.

Love Never Fails

Purpose of the commercial is to make parents aware of signs of domestic violence, painful events their growing children might be part of. It’s a message teens and adults may benefit from hearing repeatedly. This may be due, in part, to the fact that a wealth of emotions are typically a part of explosive, violent relationships. These high emotions can be intoxicating, pulling us in, promising positive emotional highs we may never come down from. Hearing love songs may increase our emotional highs, making it hard for us to break away from these unhealthy relationships, cause us to feel as if a love spell has been placed on us. Rocky, dysfunctional relationships might feel good for awhile. However, love doesn’t hurt.

If relationships don’t involve physical violence, they may involve sexual, financial, emotional or psychological violence. This isn’t love. Even if people we’re in relationships with send us poems about love or quotes about love, that doesn’t mean they love us. Love doesn’t hurt.

It’s not love when we search for (actually look for) faults, errors, wrongs or mistakes in others. That’s not love. It’s not love when we broadcast or highlight mistakes others make, as if talking about someone else’s mistakes wipes our mistakes clean. It’s not love when we try to control and/or manipulate others by force, guilt, fear, discomfort (ever perform the silent treatment on someone) or embarrassment.

Love is Patient, Love is Kind

As I Corinthians 13:4-8 says, “4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”

Contrary to what some who choose to abuse claim, love never failing doesn’t mean that we should stay in abusive relationships. We were created by love. We were created with love. We were created to love. We were created to be loved. As Raymond Clarke learns early in the new book, Love Pour Over Me, we are here to awaken to love. And we have the strength to do that.

Love stands up against the toughest storms. Love conquers all, or perhaps better put, true love remains in its natural state despite all attempts to change it. Even when we think love is gone or buried, it remains. All we have to do is open our eyes and awaken. Sometimes life brings a certain person or specific people, like good friends and a soul mate, into our lives so we can awaken to love. For Raymond, these invitations to accept and receive love come in the form of Brenda (the love of Raymond’s life) and three good-good friends.

Violence, though all around the college students to the point of bloodshed, doesn’t become a part of their relationships. Considering the harrowing and mysterious experiences Raymond has with NFL star, Anthony Thompson, it’s eye raising that the friends never turn on each other. Considering secrets in Raymond’s family’s past, it’s a wonder Brenda continues to love Raymond.

It’s also eye raising that Raymond doesn’t give up on love, his childhood being anything but ordinary. Then, love does not fail. Regardless of twists, turns, challenges and doubts – love simply does not fail. It also never hurts. And when we’re loving the right man or loving the right woman, relationships fill our lives with goodness.

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Young Love’s Passion is Hot

By Denise Turney

When we’re young, passion is hot. Passion seems to flow through every intimate relationship when we’re young. Oh, the magic of the 20s. We feel as if our bodies will never age, our hair graying and our limbs becoming less nimble, the way our parents and grandparents have. It’s a time of wonder.

Joys and Triumphs of Young Love

Life stretches out before us, full of promise and hope. We hold on tight. Even if we’ve experienced disappointments and frustrations, made mistakes and taken wrong turns, during our teen and pre-teen years we know we can win. We know life holds one success after another for us. We believe in our greatness (and we should). We believe in romantic love, burn with hot passion for romantic love.

If we’ve never been in love with another person, someone who makes our heart race, our hands sweat, we’re in for a wild ride. Everything will sparkle and come alive for us. It’s a feeling unlike no other . . . being in love. Even if we’ve loved before – loving our parents, siblings, pets and friends – we have a compass; it tells us that this is different.

And it is this experience many of us have after we pack our bags and head off to college or university. It’s as if there is someone waiting for us to step into his or her life, someone waiting to join with us in love. In the hustle and busyness of college life we may not notice this person at once, but college last four to five years. There will be other times for us to connect with this person who will stir the passion within us, changing our lives forever. . . .

It’s this passionate love that Raymond Clarke experiences in the book, Love Pour Over Me. At the start of Love Pour Over Me, Raymond has just met Anthony Thompson, a collegiate football star, when he looks up and sees her. He doesn’t say it, but he knows – deep down he knows – she’s the woman for him. If asked to explain what he feels the instant he sees her, Raymond would struggle to find the words. Nothing from his past has prepared him for this. He can’t think of one other time when he felt what he feels when he sees her.

He doesn’t even wonder if it’s mere fantasy, something he’s making up in his mind, something he’ll never “really” share with her. He just goes with the experience, letting it guide and pull him along. It’s the right thing to do as Raymond discovers throughout the pages of the new book, Love Pour Over Me.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to, B&, and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Even if you choose not to purchase your copy of Love Pour Over Me today, I encourage you to “consider Love.”