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How Books Help You Heal

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By Books Author Denise Turney

ocean shoreline, peaceful sun view to heal
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Michael Klajban

Books offer great entertainment. But they do more than that. Good books help you heal.

Have you ever had your guard up to the point where you didn’t notice that you were making mistakes with your life? When you’re this guarded, you may refuse to see your mistakes and open to change, to start to heal. As powerful as digging in your heels against change (including inner healing) may feel, it’s not the way to start living your best life.

Good Books Lower Resistance to Healing

You could talk with a friend, placing yourself in an environment where you feel safe enough to lower your guard and begin to heal. That certainly helps. But friends get busy. Despite their best intentions, there are instances when good-good friends face so many challenges of their own that it’s overwhelming for them to offer an open ear, especially if you’re resisting the very change that you most need to make right now to start the healing process.

This might surprise you. Yet, reading good books can lower your resistance to inner healing in unexpected ways. Highly crafted books are gentle in how they adjust perception and loosen erroneous beliefs. For example, powerful, complicated book characters grab your attention by spotlighting the character’s shortcomings and personal challenges.

Before you know it, you’re rooting for some book characters while wishing that other characters reap what they sow. Even if you’re usually alert, it may be weeks after you finish a novel before it dawns on you that one or more of a book’s major characters have strengths and areas for improvement that are similar yours.

Good Books Provide Clarity During Healing Process

Without realizing it, you can witness the effects of specific causes (e.g. anxiety, violence, poverty) on someone’s life while you read good books. But that’s not all. Another of the gentle ways that books help you to heal is how books gently let you see alternatives for choices that you’re facing.

This happened for me when I read comedian and actor, Bernie Mac’s book, Maybe You Never Cry Again. I can still visualize the scene where he wrote about the last odd job that he took to pay bills – the last job that he took before he went after what his heart called him to do — succeed at comedy. Thanks to what Bernie Mac shared in the book, I knew that I had to pull out the stopper and go after my novel writing full tilt boogie. Reading Maybe You Never Cry Again helped me to heal from the habit of putting off what I knew I must do.

The Ebony Tree by Maxine Thompson gently showed me the rewards of letting the past go, even old family history. Talk about moving into healing page-by-page. And, I still remember the first time that a woman who’d read Spiral told me that, after reading the book, she’d decided to forgive, a sure way to heal.

How Books Help You Heal

Although I didn’t write Spiral around the message of forgiveness, that reader’s feedback was beyond inspiring and encouraging. Think about all the good books you’ve read so far. How have those books changed your life? How have those books helped you to heal?

During my childhood, it was good books that helped me navigate challenging real life events. I got so much courage and positive energy and inspiration to heal from books like the Pippi Longstocking series, Ramona and Mildred Taylor’s Roll Of Thunder, Hear My Cry.

So, yes. Good books help you to drop your guard so that you can have more clarity around pivotal life decisions, the types of choices that are part of the healing process. Books do this by putting characters in situations that millions of people face. Because you’re not in the spotlight (the book’s major characters fill those roles), you can witness what’s going on without fear, without becoming defensive. And making the right choices is healing. It really is.

Enjoy What You Love About Good Books

I love the power of healing you can gain from reading good books.

Other gentle ways that good books help you to heal are by switching your focus off of perceived problems which, in turn, lowers stress. Also, good novels help you to heal by giving you something fun and engaging to do with your partner, family or friends.

After all, book clubs aren’t the only groups that can have fun reading and digging into good books together. You could even turn a good novel story into a play that you put on with family, friends or a local theater. Additionally, good books turn you away from work. They also give you a great option to replace being online for hours or surfing your phone all night.

So, here’s to good books! Hope you enjoy reading a good novel today as you continue the path of inner healing.

Love Pours When You Receive Love as It Is

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By Books Author Denise Turney

Love pours and flows everywhere that you are. Yet, love seems evasive, hard to grasp and experience, let alone hold onto. Could part of the reason why you feel as if love is separate from you, a place where you aren’t, be due to how you define love?

Love Pour Over Me picture of woman smiling toward sky
Love Pours Over Me Book Picture

What Is Love?

For example, do you think of love as a warm inner feeling? Or maybe you associate love with intuition and a sense of inner knowing. Even more, love might feel like an adrenalin rush. Depending on your childhood, you might even think that love requires sacrifice.

Believe this and you might seek out a partner, colleagues, neighbors and friends who you deem worthy for you to sacrifice yourself for. When this occurs, you might give up your opinions, beliefs and passions so the other person can fulfill their beliefs and passions.

In extreme cases, you might become mute while around these people, judging these “special” people as more important than you are. But this route leads to frustration. Because no one is “special” or better or less than anyone else.

Love and Sacrifice

Years could pass before you realize this truth, especially if the dance of sacrifice is playing out in an intimate relationship. That’s when the relationship might be severely shaken. Why? You might feel as if you’ve given a lot more than you’ve received. Furthermore, you might feel like you’d given a lot more than the other person is worth.

And this is a major reason why love is not sacrifice. After all, what would love need? If love has and is everything that’s truth, why would love need sacrifice in any form?

Perceptions and beliefs about what love is, particularly as it regards sacrifice, can make love feel far away, like it’s only for the lucky few. Lack of forgiveness also makes love seem faraway, unreal.

Forgiveness Opens You So Love Pours

You may have heard the saying you get more of what you focus on. This alone, could be a key motivator to forgive. Focus on a wrong you perceive that someone has done to you, and you could get more chances to be wronged, definitely not the way to feel love’s presence.

I learned this lesson the hard way. When I perceived that someone had mistreated me, I told myself that I’d be dumb not to dislike her. The discomfort of carrying lack of forgiveness became a burden.

So, I decided to forgive.

But forgiving felt hard. It felt like I was pushing a mountain up a mountain.

Fortunately, I read an article filled with tips on how to open up to miracles. The writer of the article shared, to open up to miracles, spend at least an hour, no more than two hours, at one time saying, “I love you,” followed by the name of the person who I was struggling to forgive.

I tried it. And to my surprise it worked! A woman who’d mistreated me for more than a year, suddenly came up to me and gave me a hug. I was floored! She did it totally out of the blue! After that, our relationship was much better, and I actually felt love when I was in the woman’s presence. Before, I’d felt fear, anger, frustration and disappointment. Better yet, our relationship never went back to the strained way that it had been before.

When It Doesn’t Feel That Love Pours and Flows

Consider your relationships. Honestly, are there relationships with colleagues, partners, adult children, relatives or friends that find you feeling angry, defensive, afraid, depressed or small? Do you feel anything except love when you’re with these people?

What do you think might be blocking love’s flow in those situations? Could forgiveness play a role, even if it’s a matter of forgiving yourself?

For me, the experience with the woman who embraced me seemingly out-of-the-blue, was all the proof I needed that lack of forgiveness blocks the realization of love’s presence. And blocking love, leaves out goodness. You have to ask yourself if you’re up for that type of sacrifice.

Love Pours Over You

It’s a question Raymond Clarke has to ask himself in the book Love Pour Over Me. For Raymond, the struggle to forgive is rooted in childhood. The final choice he makes will do more than allow him to see (or remain blind) to love’s eternal presence. The final choice he makes will change his life and the lives of several people.

And isn’t this what is happening with your decisions about love and forgiveness? So, what do you think love is? Why do you define love this way? Are you open to seeing love as much more than you imagined? Are you ready to forgive? Are you ready to open to real love?

Here are a few tips that could help you open up to receive love:

  • Write down 5 things about the person you are struggling to forgive that you appreciate
  • Pen a letter to the person, sharing specific ways you feel she/he has wronged you. End the letter by sharing two things about the person you are thankful for.
  • Journal how you feel, penning thoughts that surface as you work to forgive the person. In my case, I’d journal about the woman giving me a hug out of the blue after I spent one to two hours saying “I love you” to her out loud.

Truth is, we cannot exist without love. Therefore, love is always with us. If you don’t feel love’s presence, what do you think it blocking the feeling / thoughts / experience of love? Hopefully, Raymond’s story will help you to spot love blocks as well as motivate you to choose love.

Falling in Love with an African American Man

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Falling in love with an African American man can be beyond words rewarding. The relationship that you share with an African America man can be insightful, deeply engaging, nourishing and long lasting. So, why aren’t more African American women enjoying these relationships?

Rolling Relationship Dice

For starters, romantic love seems to just happen. You weren’t trying to join in love. In fact, you may have sworn off joining in love with another person. And yet, it has happened.  

African American woman hugging African American man she loves
African American man and woman couple smiling, Wikimedia Commons Picture

Feels like rolling relationship dice. What you do now could impact your relationship for months, years. You could do yourself a favor and not give meaning to what the man you just met does or says. If the feelings are mutual, this gorgeous African American man could be trying to woe you.

He wants you just as you (although you may hate to admit it) want him. He may tell you what he thinks that you want to hear.

Instead of giving meaning to what he says and does as soon as you two meet, consider becoming an observer. Allow this African American man the room to be himself. Avoid steering him with judgment, praise or compliments. Observe and watch where his inner compass is headed.

Romantic Relationship Curiosity Pays Off

Consider holding back on placing a goal on the relationship. After all, you two just met. Just because strong emotions have erupted doesn’t mean that the relationship has to end in marriage. If you think back over other times when you’ve been an African American woman in love, you might see how beneficial observing without judgment or goals could be right now.

As strong, smart and insightful as you are, that doesn’t mean that you and the wonderful man you just met don’t have baggage to let go of. It doesn’t mean that you and the man you just met don’t have childhood trauma to work through.

Curiosity in what could become a blooming romance may allow valuable insights from this African American man and you to surface. As a smart woman, you may find that it’s best to work on your communication skills, patience, forgiveness and self-awareness before you advance further into the relationship.

Honesty Matters

An example of this could be allowing the man to be himself and observing him being patient with a new store cashier or cutting off a waiter who make mistakes with your dinner order. If he practices self-awareness and he’s loving, he should catch himself and change his unloving behavior all on his own.

Another example could be you saying Up just because he said Down or you saying Right just because he said Left. Be honest. Have you done this in other relationships? Are you afraid that you will lose something, perhaps yourself, if you are agreeable? Think about working on this communication habit before you advance the relationship. Your decision could save you headaches down the road.

Both of these examples are instances when you accept what is. You don’t rationalize, ignore, hide from, lie about or try to explain away what is happening. You observe and accept what is.

Moving Beyond Childhood Trauma

If the relationship proves rooted in love, you could be entering a blessed union, even if it doesn’t lead to marriage. You’re an African American woman who’s investing in herself and the beautiful African American man you love.

African American romantic relationship picture of couple in park
Smiling African American man and African American woman in park – Wikimedia Commons Picture

Together you can move beyond challenges and childhood trauma. This is what Brenda decides in Love Pour Over Me. She’s young, in her early 20s, when she meets Raymond, an incredibly gifted and loving African American man.

But Brenda’s not curious enough. She’s also scared of being hurt. She scared of disappointing her family by choosing the wrong man to share her life with. You can learn from Brenda. There’s no need to repeat her mistakes.

Childhood Trauma Signs

Outbursts and anxious behavior that catches you or the African American man who you’re in love with off guard (as though you have no idea why you said or did something) are signs that you may have childhood trauma to move beyond. Being shocked by what you say or do may be a sign that there’s an unhealed part of your mind outside your conscious awareness. Shutting down emotionally or abruptly ending communication with people you love, people you know care for you, are other signs that there may be childhood trauma to work through.

Unexplained irritability, fatigue and worry are other potential signs. The relationship is new. The man or you could be triggering past memories that one or both of you have been running from for decades, just as Raymond runs from his childhood trauma in Love Pour Over Me.

This is when your budding relationship could be a gift. Consider not forcing your relationship to fit into an image or fantasy that you’ve been wanting. Stay curious and allow the relationship to unfold organically. (Warning: This might be harder than you think.)

Invest in Personal Awakening

Should you become aware of childhood trauma in yourself or the African American man you love, invest in personal awakening. The man will have to invest in his own personal awakening. You can’t make this decision for him. If he doesn’t choose to do this, consider moving on. You should always be advancing.

Taking time each day to be still and remember the Creator is the best personal investment. Drinking plenty of fresh water, exercising, getting ample sleep and treating yourself to nature stays (e.g., outdoor walks, bike rides, reading good books while sitting outside on the porch) are ways to invest in personal awakening.

African American romantic relationship couple dining picture
Older Loving African American Couple – Wikimedia Commons Picture

Keeping a journal, writing down your dreams, meditating and listening to soothing music are other ways to invest in personal awakening. Being honest with what you feel and think may be at the top of the list of ways to invest in personal awakening. Above all, do not lie to yourself even if the truth means that this marvelous African American man and you are not ready to enter a romantic relationship.

Ongoing Support for Loving Relationship

Be patient with yourself whether you’re an amazing African American woman who’s moving forward with this relationship or an amazing African American woman who’s letting this new relationship go.

Ask for help should you get stuck or feel like you can’t get through childhood trauma on your own. There may be no greater act of loving yourself. Support may come in the form of discussion support groups, counseling or therapy with a licensed psychotherapist. Should you choose this path, consider working with a licensed therapist who has completed deep therapy herself. Avoid receiving treatment from an unhealed therapist who is not consistently working on herself.

After all, we are all awakening. If you’re looking for a book that shows an African American couple working through childhood trauma and investing in personal awakening, consider Love Pour Over Me.

Get your copy of “Love Pour Over Me” Now

Ready to Leave a Painful Childhood Behind?

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By Freelance Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

Do you know what one of the hardest parts of death is? You know, you absolutely know, that you cannot go back and change a single thing.

Love Pour Over Me Book on painful childhood cover among stack of books
Love Pour Over Me Book Cover Graphic

If you’re reading this, you might be nodding in agreement at that point, especially if you recently experienced the death of someone dear to you. In fact, desire to say or do something different as it regards that loved one might be disrupting your peace.

Living Free of Past Painful Childhood Illusions

But here’s the thing. It may be an illusion that you can change a single iota of the past just because you’re still breathing, even events from a painful childhood. Ever. The past really is done. It’s over. It passes moment by moment . . . day by day.

With that truth in mind, how would you change your life right now? How would you relate to the person you’re avoiding, the person whose opinion you value so much it hurts each time you imagine that they disapprove of you? Which ways would you treat a colleague, in-law, neighbor, blood relative or former friend if you knew that nothing you say or do can ever be erased?

Would you continue plotting how you’re going to get even with your spouse or beau because they forgot your birthday, took credit for work you did or wouldn’t back down during an argument? If possible, would you tell your child how much she irritates or frustrates you again? And would you remain committed to hardening your heart?

Choose this and you’ll be choosing to drag unforgiveness, not to mention unresolved trauma, around. Why would you choose to do this?

Signs That You’re Stuck in a Painful Childhood

As it regards a painful childhood, if you could, how would you change your present life? What behavior and thought patterns would you change now? How would you create a better past for yourself, a past you would always be at peace recalling?

If you’re stuck in the past, you may need to work with a professional or practice intentional self-care to break free. Types of past events that you could be hooked on include the death of a parent, a romantic relationship breakup, a job layoff or a natural disaster that destroyed your home.

Signs that you’re living in a past that’s rooted in a painful childhood include:

  • Clinging to people or objects (hoarding)
  • Irrational fears
  • Emotional outbursts
  • Difficulty feeling or expressing healthy emotion

Inability to form close, enriching relationships may be another sign that you’re dragging a regrettable past experience around in your psyche.

It’s time to stop. Dragging the past around comes at a high price. It works like a contaminant that erodes present-day encounters. To say it’s a joy and peace thief is an understatement.

Choosing Life

If you’re afraid and don’t want to examine a regrettable past firsthand, empower yourself by taking a peek at someone else’s life. Get an account of the depth of damage continuing to live in the past causes. You’re probably already doing this, sizing up the impact of your parents’, grandparents’, church members’ and friends’ choices.

It’s easy to see where these people went wrong. But being a spectator leaves you on the sidelines, keeps you from moving forward. Raymond Clarke learns this lesson the hard way in Love Pour Over Me. All he can see are his father’s and his mother’s awful mistakes, how they hurt him, how they set him up for a hard life.

Stop Running from the Past

Then, Raymond decides to run as far away from his past as possible. If you’re running from your past, you’re probably wondering how it’ll work out. You’re probably wondering if it’s truly possible to run far enough away from old memories and old feelings to live free of a painful childhood.

For Raymond, freedom doesn’t come until he revisits the past in an honest, healthy way. Are you ready to go back? Are you ready to revisit the hard spots in your life that are arresting your development? Give yourself the chance to learn how to truly break free of the past and accept real love right now.

Road to Freedom

Ways to get free start with acknowledging that you’re living in the past. Other actions toward freedom include:

  • Journaling about past experiences that stir up anger, fear and sorrow
  • Writing down your dreams and seeing if they offer guidance toward freedom
  • Forgiving people who mistreated you
  • Working with a reputable, experienced and licensed professional
  • Looking out for yourself from this day forward
  • Trusting yourself and taking new, loving chances

Prove you love yourself the way you wish others had proven that they loved you. After all, you’re in the driver seat now. Treat yourself good.

Get your copy of “Love Pour Over Me” Now                                        

You Don’t Know Everything

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By Books Author Denise Turney

film actress professional photo you don't know everything
Wikimedia Commons

It feels thrilling to know that you’re right. You feel like you’ve won, as if you’ve outwitted someone else. On top of that, you might feel as if you’re better than another person. Good feelings aside, striving to be right is a trap. There’s just too much you don’t know. Try enough new things and you’ll see that you don’t know everything.

Accepting that is freeing. After all, when you’re proven wrong, it feels as if you’ve had something taken from you, as if you actually lost something. Although you could hide it, you might feel small. You could feel like you need to protect yourself.

What do you believe about yourself?

Fear associated with being proven wrong affects every facet of life. It’s why parents, psychologists, business leaders and human resources specialists guide in private and praise in public. Anthony Robbins, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Lisa Nichols, Les Brown and other thought leaders reference this when they talk about the scarcity belief.

Our ego is always on the lookout for a potential threat. The ego is always on the lookout for what it thinks might attack or take away from it, believing that loss is actually possible.

Then, our ego creates defense systems (i.e., disassociation, aggression) as a way to protect itself and to avoid change. None of the ego’s defense systems work. They can become addictive. They can also make sickness, but help and heal, they cannot do.

What are your beliefs keeping you from?

Believing that you know everything is an ego defense. But think about what this does. Thinking that you know everything about a person, an organization, a situation or the past, present or future keeps you from:

  • Lasting, positive change
  • Internal advancement
  • Enlightenment
  • Awakening to truth
  • Accepting new ideas and thoughts
  • Peace and joy
  • Sense of truth fulfillment
  • What you really want
  • Better, more rewarding relationships
  • Feeling safe

As a writer or book publisher, thinking that you know everything could be the reason why you haven’t received ideas on how you can connect with more readers, generate more book sales or write better stories. Keep in mind that the ego is always on the lookout for a threat. It is always seeking a way to protect itself. One of the best ways that the ego avoids threat is by keeping you bound (away from real change) and stagnant. It does this at conscious and unconscious levels. Fear is its primary tool.

Signs that the ego is at work

If you feel angry, attacked, ridiculed, embarrassed or small when someone corrects something that you said or did, your ego may be in full effect. If you feel afraid to speak in public, introduce yourself to someone or reach out for help, your ego could be telling you that you don’t have enough value to do those things.

They are lies.

Art, particularly writing, is an area where the ego gets tested regularly.

As a writer, you are going to receive feedback on your work. If you’re afraid of feedback, you may refuse to work with an editor. Okay. So, don’t work with an editor. You’ll hear from readers and book reviewers instead. But you are going to get feedback and you probably won’t like all of it.

Accept that nothing can change God’s will. Nothing can change what God created or how God created anything. God created you perfect. You do not have to know everything. You cannot lose anything. Your worth cannot diminish.

Move forward with an open mind. Accept when you are wrong, knowing that your ideas and decisions are not YOU. The more open you are to accepting feedback, the better your works may become. Being open to feedback can help you to remove blinders. It can help you to develop the types of stories that readers appreciate. It can position you for greater success. Remember. You don’t have to know everything, especially if you trust the One who does.

Get your copy of “Love Pour Over Me” Now at –http://www.ebookit.com/books/0000001582/Love-Pour-Over-Me.html

Child Abuse Signs to Look Out For

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By Freelance Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

signs of child abuse

Stop Child Abuse Picture by OshaneB at Wikimedia Commons

Child abuse signs extend beyond bruises, swollen limbs and fractures. Emotional and psychological scars, though harder to detect, run deep, last a long time. And there are instances when a child’s injuries are due to a fall or an accident. Still, as it regards a child, should you witness potential abuse or neglect, make the child top priority.

Stop Child Abuse 

Do something.

For instance, you could ask the child how they got injured. If your child is a friend of the injured child, they could also ask the child how she got injured. Depending on the level of trust between the kids, the abused child might reveal what’s happening to them to your kid.

Suspect abuse or neglect? Alert authorities, a step that you could take anonymously. Call 911 if a child has been injured or shows signs of neglect. Don’t wait or just pray about it. What you do now could save a child years of emotional or psychological trauma.

Medical professionals, teachers and school administrators receive training on how to identify and respond to child abuse signs. They could be a good resource to help stop abuse or neglect. The important thing is to take action, do something to protect and care for the child.

Far Reaching Impact of Childhood Neglect

Left to continue, abuse during formative years can cause a range of harmful conditions. Including among these conditions are:

  • Getting emotionally, sexually or mentally “stuck” at the age that the trauma happened
  • Difficulty communicating with others
  • Disassociation
  • Panic attacks
  • PTSD
  • Depression
  • Irrational anger
  • Insomnia
  • Eating disorders
  • Isolation

Unfortunately, those are not the only conditions that can result from being abused or neglected as a child. Larger society often doesn’t pay attention to the conditions until someone who experienced abuse or neglect deals with the trauma in anti-social ways. Doing something right away could prevent future tragedies. Every child deserves to grow up in a safe, loving environment.

Child Abuse Signs Aren’t Always Easy to Detect

As it regards abuse, signs of sexual abuse can be hard to detect due to the fact that the abused child may work hard to keep the abuse secret. Shame, guilt and embarrassment are emotions that even hard-wired adults try to avoid. Imagine how much a child would want to steer clear of these emotions. Yet, there are signs that a child might have been sexually abused. These signs include an abused child:

• Talking with other children about age-inappropriate sexual fantasies, ideas or facts
• Asking other children sexually charged questions
• Showing other children pornography
• Touching other children inappropriately
• Having sex with a child (it doesn’t matter if the child doesn’t protest)

Abusive Neglect

Abandonment and emotional abuse range from belittling or bullying children to calling children derogatory names. This type of abuse can have lifelong effects. During childhood, humans undergo extensive psychological conditioning. Name calling, belittling and abandonment can set a child up for serious self-esteem issues.

This type of abuse can also make it hard for adults to form healthy emotional attachments. Examples of abandonment are forcing children to stay in their room or a certain part of the house alone and leaving children at home alone for hours or a day or longer.

An adult caregiver showing more respect for a boyfriend or girlfriend could be another form of abandonment, especially if a child is merely fed and sheltered while a parent enjoys the honeymoon stage of a new relationship. A parent allowing their boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse to abuse a child is also abandonment and neglect.

Abuse from Childhood to Adulthood

Children who wear long sleeved clothes during the height of summer may be hiding bruises or scars. Other less direct signs of child abuse include:

• Children withdrawing from family and friends
• A child finding it hard to make or keep friends
• Low self-esteem
• Fear of other people
• Expecting to be ridiculed or bullied
• Not wanting to go home
• Running away from home
• Constant headaches or stomach aches
• Overeating or under eating
• Sleeping for long periods or staying in bed most of the day
• Insomnia
• Seeking constant approval or praise
• Fear of trying new things due to fear of being shouted at for making a mistake

Love Pour Over Me gives a glimpse of what can happen to an adult who has suffered years of abuse. It takes Raymond decades to stop being afraid of love. That wait comes at a price for Raymond and real-life child abuse victims. Do what you can to stop child abuse now.

Sports Greats Who Walk Away from the Game too Soon

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track and field sports greats competing in close race
Track and field sports greats crossing finish line

By Books Author Denise Turney

Sports greats invest years of razor-sharp focus, commitment and practice into their chosen field. Their performances do more than grab our attention. They make life’s challenges feel less arduous. Don’t think so? Ever catch your gaze glued to the television screen, caught up in the back and forth of a sports competition?

Acrobatic end zone catches, the pass you thought your favorite wide receiver could never make but did. The perfect somersault landing that your top gymnast scored. A track and field competitor’s stride opening like a gazelle’s, allowing the middle-distance runner to win another Olympic gold medal.

It’s hard to ignore incredible sports feats. No wonder you find it impossible to turn away from the television. You don’t want this suspended amazement to end. Live vicariously through sports greats and you could go on winning indirectly forever watching professional sports, college competitions and open races at events like the Penn Relays.  

Sports great addiction

While you are glued to a sports competition, you probably forget about a struggle at work, an argument that you had with your beau or a bill that just came in the mail you know you don’t have the money to pay. That alone can make tuning into spots addictive.

After all, who doesn’t want to forget their problems? Yet, sports greats, the best of the gladiators, are human. If they entered their field with a one-track mind, by the time they invest 10 years into their sport, it’s highly unlikely that they still have a one-track mind.

Barry Sanders, Justine Henin, Jim Brown and Lorena Ochoa are sports greats who proved they didn’t have a one-track mind. Jim Brown went into acting and took up social struggles. Barry stepped into a well-balanced life. At least that what it looks like from the outside. Yet, it might be the fact that sports heroes actually think about something other than sport that alarms spectators most.

Why sports greats let you down

You also might want sports greats to entertain you more, longer. It’s as if you think they let you down when they chose to pursue a different goal. It’s this bitter taste that Raymond Clarke can leave in you, especially if you’re an avid sports fan.

You watch sports greats like Raymond Clarke, a major player in Love Pour Over Me, work hard to reach the top of their game. They push past some of life’s hardest challenges. You watch these sports greats keep going no matter what. Admit it. You root for them. Forget personality flaws. You want your favorite athletes to win.

And then, just when you thought they were on track to win for another five years, they up and retire. They quit the sport that they’ve loved since they were a kid, the very sport that you still love, but only from the sidelines.

Why it’s so hard to let sports greats retire

It’s hard to digest that you might spend the rest of your days trying to figure out why a sports great walked away from the game too soon. Think about it. It happened with Barry Sanders and Jim Brown, to name two sports greats.

Sports commentators and fans still try to figure out why Barry and Jim walked away from football when they did. It’s almost as if we want the right to tell sports greats when they can retire. That time would never be before you’re emotionally and psychologically ready.

Get your copy of Love Pour Over Me

Courageous Patience for New Beginnings

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beautiful heart patience pendant

By Novel Writer Denise Turney

New beginnings are welcomed, celebrated. At the same time, they are feared, avoided. Have you ever dealt with a loss that you knew, deep down, you just knew, took the old you with it? It may have been the loss of a child, the loss of a parent, sibling or even the loss of a job that you’d worked for more than 30 years.

Please Leave Things the Way They Were

For you, there is no going back. If you’re particularly reluctant to release your former life, the only life you may have known, you might return to a former residence, seriously consider moving back home or seek out another job that reminds you so much of the job you just left.

The person who tries to toss out or move your deceased child’s clothes might be greeted with a powerful show of anger and distaste from you. “Leave it the way it is” might be your cry. It’s understandable.

Reinventing a brand-new life and evolving into new beginnings is no easy task. This reinvention demands that you examine your deepest beliefs. Yes. Get forced to let go of everything that you knew, and you will ask profound questions. It makes perfectly good sense. After all, the ground beneath your feet has shifted.

When Trusting New Beginnings Is Hard

Trust may be a hard to surface as you progress through your former life and move toward new beginnings. Love Pour Over Me‘s Raymond Clarke knows all too well about these awkward, painful adjustments.

It takes him a long time, decades, to learn to release his past life. Because of this, it takes him a long time to receive the love that awaits him, love he won’t receive until after one of the most important people in his life departs this world.

Are you at a crossroads? Or are you trying to cope with a painful loss? Perhaps Raymond’s story will speak to you. His story is the fictional account of volumes of real-life stories that fill newspaper, magazine and journal archives. Through his life you might find an answer that you are seeking.

New Beginnings – When You Experience Real Pain

You might find a path or technique that helps you to move forward, to enter a rewarding new beginning. As Raymond learns in Love Pour Over Me, be patient with yourself. It really does take courageous patience to advance into new beginnings.

Depending on the depth of the shift, you might start out feeling numb, detached from the loss. Crying might be something you rarely, if ever, do. This is a time when people around you (family, colleagues, neighbors, friends) might think you’re strong.

Because it reduces their need to alter their lives in order to deal with the great change you’re in the middle of, they may like you better this way versus seeing you sob. For this reason, meditating and spending time alone resting could be paramount as you move forward, never to be the same again.

Courageous Patience for the New Road Ahead

People you know might tell you that you really know how to trust God if you display little to no emotion around the loss. But they are only seeing your mask. And they might be grateful for that. Your mask rewards them with the illusion that things really haven’t changed that much and that after a certain amount of time, things will go back to the way they were before the loss occurred.

But that’s not going to happen. Ever.

Which is why it takes courageous patience to advance into new beginnings. Bless yourself with the patience to fall, get back up, fall again and wobble or crawl back up. Gift yourself with the patience to let your emotions rock, stand in the fear of the unknown and accept that you don’t now (nor ever did) know all there is to know about anything.

Favor yourself with patience as you struggle to release the past. Give yourself time to create a brand-new life. After all, this is a new life that you (not someone else) are going to live. Don’t rush it. Be exceptionally kind and gentle with yourself even if others are not.

Look For Cues

Look within for cues that you’re on the right path. Permit yourself to experience joy and happiness, even as you work your way through grief. Your courageous patience is a sign of self-love.

This same courageous patience might serve as a light to other people years from now. Your courageous patience to begin again might help to lead others out of a past that no longer works just as Raymond Clarke’s journey has done in the book Love Pour Over Me.

Taking Books on Successful Road Trips

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By Denise Turney

Hitting the road and going on book tours is an effective way to connect with readers in person, answering their questions about your writing process, characters in your books and what inspired or motivated you to create the stories you’ve penned. By taking your books on the road you can also increase your book sales in the short and long term.

Get the Most Out of Book Road Trips    

Readers appreciate meeting authors of their favorite books. In this regard, readers are akin to sports and music fans. They want to get close to the people who use their talents to captivate, entertain, inspire, educate and/or motivate them. Truth be told, many of us book authors, who are also avid book readers, get excited when we meet other writers whose works we admire.

Book events are fun. Take events like Book Expo America (BEA), the Maui Writer’s Conference or Miami International Book Festival and its clear to see why millions of people trek out to book events each year. There are author discussion panels, editor and literary agent meet and greets, keynote speakers and, of course, book signings.

To get the most out of book road trips, consider creating an itinerary so you remember to visit certain booths, connect with media outlets and engage readers while you’re out and about. You can also:

  • Introduce yourself to event organizers (it’s a great way to learn about upcoming appearance opportunities)
  • Schedule interviews with talk radio stations within 15 or fewer miles of the book event you’re attending (make sure you announce the dates, times and locations of local events you’re attending)
  • Bring enough books to sell at local events you’re scheduled to attend (no sense in running out of books one to two days before you’re scheduled to leave town)
  • Visit other author books (it’s a great way to network and make friends)
  • Focus on building relationships with book lovers (keep in mind that if you don’t sell lots of books at an event, if you make enough rewarding connections, you may see an increase in book sales days or weeks after you return home)
  • Giveaway free bookmarks, brochures, book excerpts, etc. (be sure to include your website URL on all giveaways)
  • Volunteer to read from your books at events

 

At the end of events be sure to thank the event organizers, supporters and book lovers for coming. In fact, make it a point to thank each person who stops by your booth, even if they don’t buy a copy of your book. I made a point to do this while on the road with my books Portia, Love Has Many Faces, Long Walk Up and Spiral. I plan on taking my new book, Love Pour Over Me, on the road this autumn; hope to see you while I’m on the road!

While you’re on the road with your books, meeting readers, media, booksellers and librarians, remember that life is truly about communicating and relationships. Above all, love what you’re doing. Stay in the moment and allow yourself to absolutely love and enjoy attending each book event you travel to!

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You!

Purchase Love Pour Over Me at Ebookit

Purchase Love Pour Over Me at Amazon.com

Purchase Love Pour Over Me at Barnes and Noble

Thank you!

Readers Grab Prizes and Giveaways on Book Blog Tours

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By Denise Turney

Book blog tours are becoming increasingly popular. Not only are they effective at building traffic for blog owners, they are effective at introducing readers to new authors. In fact, book blog tours are known for introducing avid book readers to writers who have been writing intriguing stories for decades but who, until now, they had gone unaware of.

Book Blogs Surface Bestsellers

And if you absolutely love to read, you probably want to get your hands on the best books. You might even want to be amongst the first people to read new books that go on to become bestsellers worldwide. Book blog tours can help you to do this.

A good way to find book blogs is to check out directories like the Book Blog Directory at http://directory.kaysbookshelf.com. [As a tip, if you own a book blog you can also submit your blog to the directory to gain additional exposure.]

Look for blogs that offer prizes and giveaways. For example, you might be able to win a free ebook reader, discount coupons to retail websites like Barnes & Noble or Amazon.com or you might win a gift card to an offline retailer. While on a blog tour I gave away two free copies of my new book, Love Pour Over Me, at each tour stop.

When you participate in book blog tours as a reader, you also might win a free autographed print copy of an author’s latest novel or you could win a mug, tote bag or umbrella that has a cool writing quote printed on it. Yes!  You absolutely can grab these rewards by simply visiting and participating in book blog tours.

Book Blog Author Questions and Answers

While on the tours, post questions to authors. It’s a great way to learn more about what inspires writers to create stories in certain genres, towns, time periods, etc. At the end of blog tours, visit the authors’ official websites to find out more about them and their books. Also, participate in contests and submit your name for book giveaways. Who knows? As previously noted, you might grab the chance to win the next bestseller first.

Should you attend online radio book tours, remember to ask authors questions when the hosts open the telephone lines. If you connect to online radio book tours via a chat room, post your questions to authors in the chat room. As the author of six published books, I gotta tell you – authors love hearing from readers, so post and ask questions!

By attending book blog tours you can save time, gas money and energy. If you attend two or more blog tours in a month, you can connect with several writers a year. You can also win free books, prizes and giveaways!

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Even if you choose not to purchase your copy of Love Pour Over Me today, I encourage you to “consider Love.”