How to know that you’re in the right relationship

By Denise Turney

couple in love holding hands

Pic by Muramasa – Wikimedia Commons















New romantic relationships can deceive, cause you to believe that you and the person  you’re sharing your life with have a promising future. Feelings of excitement, good fortune, promise, bliss and sexual pressure can put you in a dreamy state. As tempting as those feelings are to surrender to, heightened emotions don’t always indicate that the romantic relationship you’re in is right for you.

However, those and other welcomed feelings could be present when you’re with the person you’d enjoy a long-term romantic relationship with. Things to look for when you’re considering the depth of your relationship include:

  • Sharing interests and passions (Although you and your lover won’t like all of the same things, you should have two or more things that you both have a strong appreciation for.)
  • Friendships that extend beyond your relationship. (Both of you should also respect and value each other’s friends and relatives. This should happen naturally. It shouldn’t be something you try to talk yourself into.)
  • You and your lover support each other’s goals and dreams.
  • Both of you take responsibility for your lives. (You don’t blame each other or other people for mistakes that you make and uncomfortable situations you find yourselves in.)
  • Competing or trying to “one up” each other isn’t something you do.
  • You love celebrating one another’s achievements.
  • Rather than hide disappointing experiences from each other, you’re both comfortable revealing experiences that make you feel vulnerable without taking on a victim role.
  • You and your lover learn from each other.
  • Your conversations are open and balanced, no one person dominating conversations.
  • It doesn’t bother you to be affectionate with each other in public.
  • During your most heated arguments, you don’t call each other names, belittle one another or try to harm each other in any way.
  • It’s exciting to you to try new things and explore life more fully.
  • Holding hands is as sweet to you as kissing.
  • You continue to grow as an individual even as the relationship develops.
  • You respect each other.
  • Making excuses for your lover is not something you think you have to do.
  • Trusting your lover is natural.
  • Instead of idolizing each other, you truly know your lover.

When you’re with the right person, you both become more awakened to truth. You actually become better people. You feel better about yourself and life, and you know that you’re loved.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to, B&, ($3.03 – lowest price I’ve found so far) and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.


How real friends make your life better

By Denise Turney
Real friends don’t agree with everything you think, say or do. They challenge you when you start veering away from your goals, your intentions and what you believe in deeply. Without real friends, you could derail and not realize it until you look up and see that your life is hanging over a cliff.

Real friends make up the sweetest nectar of life

Another thing that real friends do is to encourage and motivate you to keep going when you feel like quitting. Without friends, more than a few great achievers might have joined the ranks of those of us who give up on their dreams. Even more, because friends know you well, they can see through your self-deception. Although you may not like it, your friends know when you’re trying to sell yourself a bag of lies. They’re willing to stomach your anger in order to get a good message through to you.

Yet, perhaps most of all is the way that real friends mirror your worth to you. When given the choice, they opt to visit and spend time with you rather than putting in another hour of work, showing you that you matter more than a buck.

You don’t have to worry about real friends gossiping about you behind your back. In fact, real friends don’t gossip at all. They realize that we’re all in this together and that attack in any form is an attack of themselves, you and everyone.

Point is, you have to be self-aware and inwardly healthy to be a real friend. You’ve got to be selfish enough to seek out other people who are self-aware to hang out with, people who add lift and true power to your life. You also have to want to receive the same level of honesty from others that you dish out. Rather than “getting it real,” you opt to care for others. You’re not brutally honest; you’re lovingly honest.

Real friends make life worth living. They make life sweet. How many real friends do you have and are you a real friend to anyone?

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in my new book, Love Pour Over Me, hop over to, B&,, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Winter holidays lead to summer weddings

By Denise Turney
Moods are high, emotions warm during Christmas, one of the few times of year when millions of people in different parts of the world lay their grudges down and opt to love. Visiting family and friends isn’t all young lovers do during winter holidays. Young lovers also deepen their romantic relationships, choosing to get engaged, setting a summer wedding date, rather than limiting their relationships at “only dating”.

Getting married once and for all time

In fact, December is the most popular month for couples getting engaged. Soon after accepting a marriage proposal, as many as 27% of women pick up the telephone and share the news with a best friend. A sign in today’s world that brides believe that their marriages will last forever is the fact that 75% of new brides change their Facebook status after they exchange wedding vows with the man they love.

On average, an engagement last 14.7 months, as shared by MSN. When it comes to taking engagement photos, 69% of couples who agree to tie the knot make a trip to a photographer’s studio so they can take a picture, perhaps grabbing at the chance to solidify their love.

Measuring the depth of true love

However, for some couples the wedding never happens. Arguments, school, finances and other people come between these couples, making it hard for them to communicate. But, that doesn’t mean that the relationship is over permanently. Temporary lulls interrupt the best relationships, if not before a wedding then after a wedding.

The question is if true love can withstand the toughest knocks. The question is if a couple that once loved each other deeply can find their way back to love after the heat in their relationship has turned as cold as a hard winter day. Brenda and Raymond explore these challenges very deeply in Love Pour Over Me. Their love affair brings them to more than one tough conclusions.

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The drive to keep running from pain

By Denise Turney
It’s a good thing to pursue happiness. After all, pain and disappointment do not come bearing worthy gifts. However, running from pain is not the same as pursuing happiness, and being that we are creatures of habit, if we run away from pain too long we may become experts at it and miss out on the thing we want to experience most – real love.

Putting an end to the run

Even so, few people, if anyone of us at all, sees running from pain as a means to avoid love. It’s a ritual or habit that can start early in our lives, when we are kids. We may be repeatedly disappointed by a parent who makes promises but seldom keeps them. Or we might witness one or both of our parents walking out of our lives as if we were merely children they’d met at a park, not people they helped to create, not their own flesh and blood.

Let these heart wrenching experiences continue to find their way into our lives and it’s no wonder some of us shy away from love and affection. We’re tired of being hurt, tired of being disappointed. We might even think that we only get hurt when we let people get close enough to us to cause us to feel love for them. After all, as the saying goes, it’s often the people who are closest to us who cause us to feel the deepest pain.

When this happens to Love Pour Over Me’s Raymond Clarke he responds the way many of us do. He turns away from love, even dismissing it when it shows up in a woman who has never disappointed or hurt him before, a woman he was born to love. Raymond’s good at running, but over time even he realizes that running has cost him too much. Even he, the man with the broken childhood, realizes that it’s time to stop running from love in ways that are disguised as running from pain.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to, B&, and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Even if you choose not to purchase your copy of Love Pour Over Me today, I encourage you to “consider Love.”

Who Do You Think Is Better Than You?

By Denise Turney
At first glance, this question might appear rude. However, it’s a question you may have been asking yourself for years, drawing up images of people you think are more successful, wholesome or intelligent that you are. Perhaps it’s time to ask yourself what it is about these people you admire. And dare I say that it’s these traits that are hidden somewhere right inside of you.

Just as you may not want to look at thought patterns, beliefs or emotions you have, choosing to, instead, project these feelings and thoughts onto other people (as if they felt and believed them, not you), so too you might project beliefs about your own greatness onto other people. After all, no one is better or greater than you, just as you aren’t better or greater than anyone else.

At times it could feel unfair that our thoughts create our physical experiences. But, that sense of unfairness is merely a judgment that changes nothing. Well, it could make you feel like a victim, but that belief definitely won’t help you step into your greatness.

Feelings and beliefs you hold about other people are clues (wonderful nuggets) as to what you feel and believe about yourself. (As a note, the one thing our thoughts don’t/didn’t create is us, and that’s very good news, my friend!!) So, take a moment and ask yourself who you think is better or greater than you. Then ask yourself, what it is about this person you believe is great, perhaps impossible to match or equal. Is there anything about this person you wish you possessed more of? Be honest.

Now look at your experiences. Search for times when you demonstrated these same traits or abilities yourself, even if on a smaller scale. Can you start to see your greatness?

Imagine what it would be like if you saw what you really are all day. Imagine how you would feel about yourself. Imagine how you’d know, completely know, that impossible doesn’t exist.

To start to manifest (bring about the physical expression of your greatness) it may take some inner work (perhaps lots of inner work), but you’re so worth it. The work is merely a matter of removing beliefs in all lies. Once you do that, all that remains is the truth. And then not even the question “Who do I think is better than me” will arise in your mind. You’ll know the answer.

Raymond Clarke learns this in Love Pour Over Me. As with many of us, it takes Raymond awhile to get this lesson. But that’s no concern. The universe is patient. We will learn and awaken . . . all of us.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to, B&,, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Taking the time to get to know your own mother better

Other than the father and son relationship, no other relationship may be as acrimonious as the relationship a daughter has with her mother. An observer watching a mother and daughter communicate and relate with each mother might think that the two women are enemies. It might seem impossible to believe that the two women live beneath the same roof, share the same blood line.

Calling a truce with your mother

If mothers have unresolved issues with their own mothers, they might carry these unresolved issues into relationships they build with their own daughters. In fact, these unresolved issues could start to reveal themselves while daughters are young, well before the teenage years.

For example, mothers might try to keep their daughters from experiencing similar disappointments that they felt when they were their age. This could cause mothers to become critical of their daughters. Mothers might comment on their daughters’ new hairstyles or outfits, offering their disapproval as a way to encourage their daughters to always look their best so they don’t get teased, sneered at or talked about the way mothers did when they were younger.

Let this keep up and daughters might feel as if their mothers see them as failures, as if they are incapable of making smart decisions on their own. Wall Street Journal reporter, Elizabeth Bernstein says that due to the constant input from their mothers, “Daughters, meanwhile, tend to be very sensitive to mom’s input. They think she is being rude or doesn’t respect them as an adult. Underneath, they fear they’ve failed the one person they have been seeking approval from since before they could speak.”

Furthermore, “A natural break should occur between adolescence and adulthood, where the mother allows her daughter to grow up and make her own decisions. Some mothers, however, have trouble letting go.” To start letting go, mothers can set ground rules around things like dating and going to concerts. While setting these ground rules, they can ask their daughters for input.

Daughters can speak up for themselves when they are right or when a decision they make is truly up to them. If the two become angry, they can take several deep breaths and honestly discuss why they are angry, without placing blame. It also helps if mothers talk about their own childhoods and difficulties they may have had relating to their own mothers. Both should avoid trying to hurt or compete with each other. Lying is another practice that should be removed from the relationship. Mothers and daughters will also benefit from regularly focusing on attributes they appreciate about each other.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in my new book, Love Pour Over Me, hop over to, B&,, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Life Happens While You Pursue Your Dreams

By Denise Turney

Congratulations if you’ve recently realized what your life dream is. What a wonderful awakening. Now that you’ve come to know what’s inside you, don’t be surprised if passion to pursue your life dream starts stirring your emotions. Ideas may surface in your mind, ideas that, if you act upon them, will help you get closer to the realization, the physical manifestation, of your dreams.

Birthing Life Dreams

Life dreams are different from night dreams. However, Source may use night dreams to reveal the unfolding of your life dreams to you. As an example, recall Joseph in the Bible (Genesis chapter 37, verse 5). Joseph understood the meaning of his night dreams. He had a dream interpretation or analyzing dreams gift. But, you may not. Not everyone appears to have this gift the way Joseph did. In this case, you can pray and ask Source to give you the dream interpretation. However, if you’re not open to receiving the dream interpretation or knowing what the dream means, you may continue to be confused about the dream. Your own unwillingness to receive the dream’s message is what keeps you confused about the dream’s meaning.

Our life dreams are inside of us. They’re like seeds planted within us, waiting for us to nurture them and help them to surface in our lives so the fulfillment of our dreams bless us and everyone we come in contact with. Life dreams are powerful, impossible to ignore or turn away from. Yet, it takes courage to bring life dreams to pass. The world doesn’t pause so we can fulfill our life dreams, bring forth what Source has planted in us. Our loved ones transition, children continue to be born, we get hired into new jobs, leave old jobs, move into new residences, care for our families and meet a myriad of daily responsibilities . . . all while pursuing our life dreams.

Although it would be welcomed, the world doesn’t slow down just because we’re taking steps to manifest our life dreams. We can still feel pain, disappointment and discouragement as we go after our life dreams. There may also be times when we feel like throwing the towel in on our life dreams. In fact, after we realize what our life dreams are and start acting on them, opposition from the ego may build. It’s almost as if, as long as we stay blind to the good that’s inside of us, the world’s thought system buffets us less.

Wake Up to Your Life Dreams

Wake up to our truth and the ego seems to rouse from its slumber, challenging our courage to bring our life dreams to pass. If we continue moving forward, running with the vision, we’ll produce a good result. This work is not for the faint at heart. It requires courage. But, it can be done. Many have already fulfilled their life dreams, people like Harriet Tubman, Joan of Arc, the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Jesse Owens, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Fannie Lou Hamer, Shirley Chisholm, Dr. Charles Drew, Wilma Rudolph, Marva Collins and Evelyn Ashford, to name a few.

Nothing can replace your life dreams. No amount of work or fun can fulfill you the way bringing your life dreams to pass will. Considering the truth that joy is our strength, it’s wisdom at work when you take the steps to fulfill your life dreams, even if you have to do so as the world’s thought system tries to stop you. Awaken to your life dreams!

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Have you stopped making new friends?

By Denise Turney

It takes courage to really “grow up”. To grow up,  you must take on new responsibilities, start eating the fruit of your decisions. It’s how you learn and evolve.

Depending on decisions you’ve made thus far, it may also mean taking care of and guiding your children. That’s not all. By the time you reach your mid-30s, there’s a chance that you’ve taken on a mortgage, not to mention having health insurance premiums, household expenses and an auto loan to pay for. ge to really “grow up”. To grow up,  you must take on new responsibilities, start eating the fruit of your decisions. It’s how you learn and evolve.

No matter how old you get, you need good friends

Life fills up fast after you become an adult, and not always with responsibilities that you want. To meet those responsibilities, you might find yourself dealing with stress and anxiety. Work a typical middle or senior management job and you might have the added burden of finding time to catch up with family, not to mention friends.

If you’re not careful, years could pass before you realize that you haven’t made a single new friend since high school or college. After a decade or more of living this way, greeting someone new might feel as awkward as going out on a date for the first time in 10 years.

What won’t change is your hunger for friendships, the kind you write or call home about. Humans are social creatures. We love to connect with each other, engage in rich conversation, to simply be in the presence of people we trust, people we know love us. It’s these types of relationships that make facing challenges in this world easier. It’s also friendships that make personal achievements and celebrations worthwhile.

As one woman shares with Redbook when discussing her desire for rich, female friendships, “I miss that female connection.” She continues “Just being with my family doesn’t make me feel 100-percent complete.”

If you’re nervous about making new friends, start small. Say hello to the first person who steps on the elevator at work or the doctor’s office with you. Keep doing this until you start to feel comfortable striking up conversations with people you haven’t met before.

Join networking groups. For example, if you are passionate about arts and crafts, you could join an arts group and get together with other art lovers once a week to chat about your latest projects and to share laughs. You could also meet your next best friend while posting to a social media network or while responding to someone who leaves a comment at your blog.

The important thing is to get out there. Start letting new people discover the wonder that is you. Be open to starting and developing new friendships. You’ll be glad you did. It’s what keeps Love Pour Over Me’s Raymond Clarke going, even during the hardest times in his life.

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Getting ready to move to a big city the right way

By Denise Turney
Moving to a big city can be intimidating, especially if you’ve never lived away from home and you grew up in a small town. The pace of big city life is faster.

On the other hand, small towns generally don’t attract as many big name entertainers, sporting events, corporations that pay competitive wages, retail stores and more. Small towns also generally aren’t on the cutting edge of fashion, finances and technology the way that larger towns are. It’s easy to get bored living in a small town.

Big city living brings big changes

However, it’s not all glitter and gold when you move to a big city. Traffic is congested on a daily basis. People living in the city may not be as patient as the people who lived in your neighborhood back home. If you already have furniture, that’s good. That one thing can save you hundreds of dollars, more if you bought your furniture from a store where you cut a special deal with the store’s owner.

Rent an apartment in a big city and don’t be surprised to pay $900 or more a month. This could be culture shock, especially if you come from a town where the average rent is $600 or less a month. For example, MSN Money reports that, “Living in a studio downtown with electricity, gas for the apartment, Internet, cable and a train card, I was already at $2,500 every month.”

Groceries and clothes are also higher in big cities. Move to a big city that has limited parking, and you should expect to spend $100 or more a month for private parking. That means you’ll pay to park your car in an apartment or private garage when you’re at home. It also means that you’ll have to pay to park when you go to work unless your employer covers those costs for you.

What you probably won’t have to deal with is boredom, especially if you make friends easily and have an outgoing personality. That doesn’t mean you’re chatty or talk all the time. It means you’re someone who enjoys communicating with other people. In a big city, you can take your love for communicating with people to check out live plays, go to major sporting competitions and use your natural talents to perform before live audiences at city parks and other public venues.

Talk to people who are already living in the city you’re contemplating moving to. Ask them about the ups and downs of living in the city. Be sure to ask about local taxes, street parking and rents and mortgages. You can learn about crime rates online or by reading through newspapers in the city you’re thinking about moving to.

Do your homework before you start packing, even if you’re feeling desperate for a change like Raymond Clarke is in Love Pour Over Me.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in my new book, Love Pour Over Me, hop over to, B&,, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

You’re a Masterpiece

By Denise Turney

Even if you don’t realize it now, you’re a masterpiece. You’re one of a kind. The fact that you have a unique set of fingerprints is only one indicator that you’re absolutely distinct. No one can take your place. No one can be you . . . ever.

Life experiences you’ve had might have convinced you that you’re only one of many, a mass produced being. But, you’re not. Depending on specific experiences you had as a child, teen or/and adult, you also might think that your worth is below that of other people or below that of people you admire. Nothing could be further from the truth.

You’ve probably seen people who reminded you of someone else, perhaps yourself. All about you, it’s possible that you’ve seen or experienced things that are propelling you to think that you’re a limited being whose value and existence end (absolutely shut off) at the end of your physical experience. That’s something that might happen each time you look at life through the ego’s eyes.

But, are you ever so much more than you’ve ever imagined. You’re a wonderful masterpiece.

The sooner you get this truth down into your being, the sooner your life will start to change. After all, your behavior is directly impacted by your repetitive thoughts (also referred to as beliefs). Start believing, not just verbally repeating, the truth about yourself, until you reach your core, the part of you where truth resides.  You’ll feel this truth echoed back to you, and what a joy!

But, first you have to start at the beginning. Start accepting the truth (something that never changes) that you’re a masterpiece. Look or watch for changes in your life.  They should appear, as, again, your beliefs impact your behavior. Your beliefs also impact experiences that show up in your life. For example, as humans, we don’t see what we don’t believe at either the conscious or subconscious level. Start believing the truth about yourself (so you can start seeing evidence of it) — you’re remarkable, an absolute masterpiece!

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to, B&,, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.