How real friends make your life better

By Denise Turney
Real friends don’t agree with everything you think, say or do. They challenge you when you start veering away from your goals, your intentions and what you believe in deeply. Without real friends, you could derail and not realize it until you look up and see that your life is hanging over a cliff.

Real friends make up the sweetest nectar of life

Another thing that real friends do is to encourage and motivate you to keep going when you feel like quitting. Without friends, more than a few great achievers might have joined the ranks of those of us who give up on their dreams. Even more, because friends know you well, they can see through your self-deception. Although you may not like it, your friends know when you’re trying to sell yourself a bag of lies. They’re willing to stomach your anger in order to get a good message through to you.

Yet, perhaps most of all is the way that real friends mirror your worth to you. When given the choice, they opt to visit and spend time with you rather than putting in another hour of work, showing you that you matter more than a buck.

You don’t have to worry about real friends gossiping about you behind your back. In fact, real friends don’t gossip at all. They realize that we’re all in this together and that attack in any form is an attack of themselves, you and everyone.

Point is, you have to be self-aware and inwardly healthy to be a real friend. You’ve got to be selfish enough to seek out other people who are self-aware to hang out with, people who add lift and true power to your life. You also have to want to receive the same level of honesty from others that you dish out. Rather than “getting it real,” you opt to care for others. You’re not brutally honest; you’re lovingly honest.

Real friends make life worth living. They make life sweet. How many real friends do you have and are you a real friend to anyone?

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in my new book, Love Pour Over Me, hop over to, B&,, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Stop lying to yourself

By Denise Turney
“You forgot to lock your door” or “Your lover is mad at you” are statements, eliciting fear, that you may have told yourself not once but several times. Depending on how repetitive your thoughts are, just to gain a semblance of peace, you might turn back and check your home or car door. If the thought points to your lover, you might spend hours, perhaps days, trying to figure out what went wrong and how you can fix things.

What you might not do is stop and consider how many other times a thought popped into your head, telling you that you’d forgotten or neglected something or that there was a “big problem” for you to deal with when, in actuality, you’d hadn’t forgotten or neglected anything, when there was no problem to deal with. Considering how full your life is, one “to do” piling on top of another, it’s easy to see how you could miss mental patterns you get stuck replaying.

If you’re not watchful, you could get stuck in one or more areas of your life. Your relationships could go from bad to better back to bad, all because you keep believing lies you tell yourself. You could become worried or anxious each time you think you’ve forgotten something, when there was nothing you’d forgotten.  Your income could increase only to go back down again. (Oh, our precious and at times incredibly annoying “thoughts”.)

But, those aren’t the only ways lies you tell yourself could keep you stuck. If you’re generally positive, you might tell yourself that a person who appeared to be smiling at you wants to date you, when they might have been smiling at someone standing behind you. You might tell yourself that your supervisor scheduled a last minute meeting with you because she wants to commend you on the job you did on a recent project.

This type of thinking can not only alter your moods, it can keep you from moving forward. This happens because lies are like blinders, keeping you from seeing the whole picture. If you don’t think lies you tell yourself have impact, stop and think about people who tell themselves they’re going to hit the lottery (and I’m talking hit the lottery big), and the lie propels them to spend $100 on lottery tickets at a time when the person is already thousands of dollars in debt — debt that was created due to gambling.

You don’t have to be a gambler to lie to yourself.

One way to stop the lies (or at least stop believing them) is to see and accept what’s going on in your life. Don’t sugar coat or downgrade things. Take action steps to improve one situation at a time. Measure the results of your efforts. (It’s why goal setting was so big years ago.)

Don’t tell yourself something is happening if it isn’t. Don’t live on promises when you tell yourself that something “magical” is going to happen to bail you out of a situation. Also, watch how certain thoughts keep you from making decisions and taking ACTION.

One last reminder — Pay attention to your thoughts. You just might be conning yourself.

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